Girls' Blogoshpere Club

When Women Are Guilty of Sex Discrimination

2008-07-21T02:59:00.000-07:00

Chapeau bas for Michael Gray's post on the BlogHer conference! I strongly believe women deserve and should fight for equal rights and chances in any field of their life. But I really doubt they will ever obtain that by closing themselves into women-only circles.

The idea of succeeding is not to do well is a closed circle, it is to do well in the world. And the world is made up of boys and girls alike. So I should add a kudos to the Women 2.0 group of LinkedIn who also has quite a few men registered.

If BlogHer wanted to show us all what's right, why not have everything 50-50? Equal numbers of male and female speakers would have been closer to my ideals than a women only support group.

There's something I'd like to disagree with: dear Michael, there's a temporary huge difference between stay at home moms and dads. And that's the pregnancy and post-partum hassle. That's something no man will experience. And if you have more than one kid, well, it can amount to quite a huge period. Other than that, you're right, no real difference!

50 Most Influential Women Bloggers

2008-07-16T02:36:00.000-07:00

NorthxEast has just published a list of the 50 most influential women in the Blogosphere. I have to admit I've only heard of 10 or 15 of them, but I am surely going to check them out and see if any of them are worth keeping an eye on.

I hope you also join me in this endeavor to know our fellow women bloggers and see who's actually worthy of the"most influential" list. Do you know of similar lists published on different sites?

How to Express an Opinion without Offending Anyone

2008-06-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

I believe most issues we link to sex-based discrimination emerge from one major cause: when people think, write, speak, no matter what the subject really is, they do not leave room for exceptions. And believe me, there are dozens of exceptions.

So getting it right, preserving your right to have and express an opinion freely without having it twisted into a sexist remark or some other form of rudeness or discrimination. Remember there's always an exception! Think of English or French and you'll get a feeling of how simple the rules are and how many exceptions contradict them.

So don't say women do or want or think or act like. Say some women or go ahead, take a risk and say most women. In some cases, you might getaway with it. This goes both ways. Women should really stop thinking in terms of "men" as a compact crowd, all making the same choices and mistakes.

It's easy, I'm sure you can see it now. And as one of the rules of cruel humor says, it is all so hard to implement because it seems so easy! Can you try to assimilate this simple rule in your day to day life? I Know I'll try :)

Should there Be More Women in IT?

2008-05-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

I've recently took part in a series of IT industry events organized in the US. My biggest surprise was to notice women are a minority to all these events. I don't know why exactly, but thinking about it, this is also true at work.

There are quite a few women at AXIGEN, but still, less then men. None in tech support, none in software development. Some work as testers, quite a few in marketing, sales and HR. And I have to wonder, why is that?

Thinking back to IT and computing universities, the numbers are the same. A lot less girls than boys. Is it because the field is not attractive for women? Is it because they don't like to have to prove themselves to the alpha males? Which is it, really?

I know from my own experiences that men in IT sometimes have troubling reactions. Some look down on you, as if you had no idea what you were talking about. Some are actually surprised when you know quite a few of the techie toys they play with. Some look in disbelief when you want to learn something more technical.

Of course, on the other side, there are those taking you as you are, regardless of any differences of any kind.

Which do you think are the reasons for us women to be such a minority in this field? Would more of us make a difference and if yes, in what way?

2008-05-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

Hey girls,

First of all, I know that I have been an extremely idle member in this blog, not to mention the whole blogosphere lately. However, I occasionally stop by to see how everyone is doing. Bless your heart Alina for keeping up the blogging spirit!

Anyway, I have been feeling very bad today, and for some reason, I felt that here is where I wanted to vent it out. Not on my own blog, not with my friends... just here.... just felt that I just needed to talk to women/girls about this. Period.

Well ok, I am rambling and not getting to my point. I feel at a loss as to what to do. What would you do, when a friend's husband is being unfaithful? Do you tell her?

What if you know and are personally involved closely with both the husband and the wife. And you find out about the infidelity. And you don't tell the wife because you know her world crash in on her.She will be devastated to say the least. Her pride would make her demand a divorce (I know that) even though one of her children is in alot of trouble now and needs some medical attention. I just feel that she probably can' t handle both right now.

So, I found out, said nothing to the wife. in the mean while, I had alot of talks with the husband. trying to show him how he is wrong. How he is hurting himself, his wife and his children (yeah he has 3)! If things are not going that well in oyur marriage, you should work on them first, before deciding to look for solutions elsewhere. Anyway, after alot of grief, and talk and persuasion (though I had been boiling inside, I really think I did it for the kids), and similar talk from other parties as well, he seemed to come around, say he would end it, and make a real try with his wife etc etc.

though I was still not satisfied, I left it at that,and hopes things would work out for the best.

Later, the wife asks me straight out, if I know if there was someone else. I felt put in the hot seat instantly. I am not a very good liar. And I hate lying, and feel that the truth just is stuck in my throat waiting tocome out. not that i am a blabber mouth, just that actual SAYING false statements hurts me inside. I can't do it, neither do I like doing it. so today, when it was for a good cause, it felt awful still. I felt like I was betraying her. She told me :" as my friend, I expect you to tell me if something is going on that you know"

tht just hit me in the chest right then and there. Even now when I am writing this down, I feel awful. AWFUL. I feel like I am betraying her in some way. I hate it hate it hate it.

From what she tells me, it seems that he is very much still in that other relationship that she knows nothing about. I am so angry at him right now.

Don't know what to do. I feel awful for her. I feel very angry at the guy. I feel like I am a conspirator to it somehow by hiding it. I don't know. I just feel really really bad. May God give me the wisdom to do what is right.

The Theory Behind Gallic Guides to Gorgeousness

2008-03-27T03:22:00.000-07:00

Recently there as been a slew of books concerning the merits of French women and how us non-French mortals can emulate them.

Such books contain a definite emphasis upon cliched stereotypes, and more disturbingly, on the concept that thiness equals happiness.

Here is a link to a good dissection of this trend and its implications.

Goldman to Invest $100 Million to Teach Women about Business

2008-03-05T11:40:00.000-08:00

One of the world's largest investment banks, Goldman Sachs Group Inc., the world's largest investment bank, has recently announced they intent to spend $100 million into the education of 10,000 women from the Middle East, Asia and Africa. The funds will be used to develop the business and management skills of women from these regions.

The learning sessions will be developed with major universities from the US and other countries and it will and will last from 5 weeks to nine months, reports CNN Money.

Goldman Sachs Chairman and Chief Executive Lloyd Blankfein said those recruited into the program will learn basic business principals such as marketing and funding their business ideas. The hope is that they return to their communities, put what they learned to use, and add to their local economies.
"For example, Africa has about 2,600 women business students in a 900 million person continent. ... That's a waste," Blankfein told The Associated Press. "Helping women get a business education is an issue getting riper and riper, and there's a feeling it is long overdue."
A study by the World Bank showed about 70,000 highly qualified African scholars and experts leave their home countries each year to work abroad, most relocating to more developed countries. Africa then spends about $4 billion a year to recruit expatriates to fill those positions.

How Do Women See Site Usability

2008-03-01T01:04:00.000-08:00

I have recently attended a Digital Marketing conference. During one of the debates, someone raised the question about women's online preferences. The basic idea they've drawn, is that unlike men, women aren't that keen on simple sites. They like to discover them, they like them to be beautifully designed and get them to look into them for a while before figuring everything out.

I was a bit dazzled by these affirmations, to be honest. Maybe is the way I am, or my line of business that requires a lot or searching, a lot of contacts to be found and a lot of reading. But I like things clear and simple. I do love exquisite designs, but if this means I don't find what I need fast enough, it becomes a big no-no.

Yes, I love sites that keep me coming back. Rich and meaningful content, frequent updates, great product description and ease of online purchasing, this is what I look online. But if a site tricky and while searching for an item I forget where I started, it gets really annoying.

How about you, girls, what do you think site usability is all about? How important is it to all of you? Is complicated, twisted and challenging something you find appealing in a website? And if there are women who do, why is that? And do you look for it in all circumstances or do you act differently when you're working or in a hurry to find something?

Always on the Move

2007-12-10T10:19:00.000-08:00

People are constantly moving, it's a trait of the fast pace world we live in. New jobs, new members to their family, new climate needed or just an urge to change something, all these can lead to a relocation. Most of the times, I think of moving to a different city in a very bohemian way: pack everything, strive hard to make it all fit in your car, then drive away in the sunset.

Well, it actually is a little more complicated than that! Relocation is not just another simple process for all those who have to do it. It sometimes involves mortgage refinancing, spending days looking for apartments to rent (I have quite a few horror stories to share with you on this matter) or keeping an eye on bank foreclosures and hoping to get a great deal.

It is amazing how, after one relocation of my own, another one that shook my world pretty bad and about 12 times moving around Bucharest, I still see the idyllic aspect of this sometimes painful process. And yes, I know my car is a Peugeot 107 and it will take at least 3 drives to move all my stuff :)

And because I know all of this, next time I relocate or have to move from one side of Bucharest to another (sometimes having movers help you with this might take less when relocating, thanks to our lovely traffic), I hope to see a service such as National Relocations. I'd like to see all my options in one place, one that is clear and simple to use and has all details close by. I am quite tired of real estate agencies that offer no additional information, although it would really help them get more clients. By the way, I've never heard of a moving company around here. Is it because there are none, or because they have no idea how to promote themselves?

Oh no!

2007-12-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

The other day I was in the opticians, getting fitted for some new contact lenses. I was sat at a little desk, in front of a mirror while I put the lenses in.

As I got up and smiled at the assistant, I caught sight of my reflection.

"Where did those come from?!"

By 'those', I mean heinous crow's feet. I looked at my face. I knew I had a mobile forehead, but I'd never noticed the agricultural scale furrows in it.

This is not good. I still get spots (sometimes), surely on the grounds of fairness, I should be spared wrinkles?

I repaired to the chemist, in order to purchase one of those overpriced beauty creams that the sensible adult in me doubts the effectiveness of.

It's either that or Botox and having an immobile face creeps me out more then wrinkles.

After wincing at the price of the indeed overpriced beauty cream and then being comforted by the free gift, I realised that showering and the occasional slathering with moisturiser does not really constitute a beauty routine. I consider applying hair conditioner to be the height of pampering. Laziness disguised as being low maintenance is a key trait of mine.

I also have a terrible habit of buying these beauty products and only using them a few times. There is not yet a product that works via osmosis, merely by being on your bathroom shelf. If such a product existed, I would be the first to buy it. The cosmetic companies should definitely work on that.

France, the Country of Romantic Vacations

2007-11-09T22:18:00.001-08:00

Maybe because of my background (Romanians have always had this thing for France and Bucharest was known as Little Paris, plus novels, movies and other vacation offers from tourism agencies), I see France, and especially Paris, as the place for romantic getaways. Yes, museums and art galleries are a big attraction and I'd go see them all. But have you seen the dancing on the Eiffel Tower scene from the Highlander series? Nothing more romantic than that!
What I really want to see in Paris, besides the Versailles with all its range of famous attractions, is the Luxembourg garden. I read about in high-school, during the French classes. A excerpt from Anatole France if I remember correctly and the feeling I need to go there when I have the chance stayed with me.
I also plan to see each major city or at least pass through it when I get to France. Nice ranks high on the must see list, along with Cannes. For those planning a similar trip to mine, maybe some practical advice is in order. So have your pick of France hotels, Paris hotels, Nice hotels, and feel free to look around for accommodation in whichever city, resort or village you're attracted to.

Entry sponsored by CheaperThanHotels.com

Why Do Women Wear Gold Jewelry?

2007-11-05T01:44:00.000-08:00

For Romanian so-called clothing/perfume/jewelry designer and vendor Janine ex-Sarbu, this question has a simple answer: women wear such jewelry to show their man's power!!! No kidding! I heard that in a radio ad. This is the idea she employs to promote her new diamond and gold jewelry line, Janine Joyeaux.

Oh, and in case you did not know, this power Janine is talking about also shows how her husband is tender and loving and whatever else he is... Never mind her own pleasure or taste in jewelry or her personality or getting gold jewels from someone else. It's all about men and their power.

Janine, who ever manages your campaign for the jewelry line should be fired. I could always do a better job...

Tarzan...

2007-10-26T03:58:00.000-07:00

Call me old fashioned, but somehow, I picture the perfect relationship between a man and woman to have some of the Jane/Tarzan element. The strong man on which the woman, when she feels she needs to, can lean on him for support. The big strong man that will take care of her, that would protect her, that would advise her, and of course to comfort her. Yes of course, a woman also provides comfort, love and nurturing to the man, but from some aspects she would like to feel that he is more capable than her, so she can lean there when needed. Like wanting more physical strength; I would like to call on my husband to open a stubborn jar, and not vice versa. I would like to be able to take his opinion and respect it and be able to listen to it.

What happens when the women are too self sufficient in these areas? The world today puts us through ordeals that make us as capable as, if not more, than a lot of men. Modernized or not, a woman would like to feel that although she is happy and able to share the load, if she wants to lay back and just let him take care of her, he can. That is the point, not if he will, because most of us would like to share responsibility, but that HE CAN. Every woman occasionally takes a step back and looks at her husband with Jane’s eyes, and evaluates her Tarzan. Content that he has it in him, she would happily take the step forward again into the modern world where we stand hand in hand.

What happens when a woman is really smart? One very tricky situation is when she is much smarter than him. Though it would probably help her win a lot of arguments, and be able to get what she wants, I do not know if it will satisfy her as a woman. To feel that she is the wiser one, the one to guide him, and I guess ultimately, it makes sense that she will assume leadership. is It not difficult t follow when you feel that you are more capable that your leader?
I sometimes feel that maybe part of what makes me feel this way is my star sign. Being a Pisces , the romantic side usually outweighs my practical side. Idealistic images in my mind of a relationship where the man is the mentor, protector, lover and provider, plus of course partner and bestest friend. My romantic Utopia I guess, or shall I better name it “La La land”?

All in the Details

2007-10-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

Some would argue that a home design you love is based on paying attention to details. Therefore, your house would be surrounded by all the things you love. So there is no surprise a store can offer over a thousand models of residential mailboxes. If you get a lot of mail, and mailboxes are what you see at least everyday, why not chose one that pleases your eyes and in turn says something about yourself?

Having a certain mailbox can be a powerful statement. It's sometimes the first thing people see when coming to your house. So why not tell them you're stylish or trendy or just alternative? No reason not to, and that's why the commercial mailboxes business is expanding. Think about it: we personalize email inboxes with colors and everything. It seems only natural that some of us would take great interest in front door mailboxes too.

I for on love this model. I'd love to see it someone's yard on my way to work. And the company selling them also has a very nice affliate program. Efficient too: they pay you to join. Why? Probably because every other business offers such a program and they know they should go the extra step to convince you to join theirs.

This is a sponsored post.

I Now Pronounce You Robot and Woman

2007-10-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

Humans might marry and have sexual relationships with robots within the century, according to an MSNBC article.

"My forecast is that around 2050, the state of Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize marriages with robots," artificial intelligence researcher David Levy at the University of Maastricht in the Netherlands told LiveScience.

What is the theory based on? Technological breakthroughs of course, but also ancient Greek myths and current behavior of people being attracted to computer programs:

Not only has science fiction explored this idea, but 40 years ago, scientists noticed that students at times became unusually attracted to ELIZA, a computer program designed to ask questions and mimic a psychotherapist.

Would that be an actual answer to gender differences and issues? And will humanity accept it easier than same sex marriage? Would gender count at this point? And what about babies? Will we cut all blood relationship between the baby and at least one of the parents? These are the questions I leave you with.

Comment the issue on Slashdot as well.

Skateboards, my loves

2007-10-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

Why I love skateboards that much? Well easy! As I was growing up, up until secondary when we rediscovered ourselves, girls and boys had a golden rule of never mixing. Why was that an issue to me? Well, I liked football, tennis, climbing trees and other such "girlie" things. And I had a hard time convincing boys to let me play. And all this lasted until my step dead got me my first skateboard! It was cool, with incredible colors and none of us knew how to use it. But because I was the privileged one on our block, I was allowed to play with boys.

Now when I look at what skateboards are available, I am seriously taken aback. And look at the names, it's like talking about spaceships: California Advanced CAB 20 Scream Complete Skateboard, or Sector 9 38" Trylam Professional Longboard Deck Only, or Remote Control Raptor 2.2 Electric Skateboard (this one is my absolute favorite). And if this is not enough, you have some cool skateboarding equipment to help you practice, again with futuristic names: Factor X Quarter Pipe and Razor Punk Ramp.

These all look extremely addictive and if you have time to look, the prices are not that high. Especially when I compare them with what they used to cost here when I was a kid.

After School Assisted Learning

2007-10-05T19:48:00.000-07:00

When children start school, most education is done within school premises. But it does not also end there. Homework preparation, getting ready for exams, it's all part of the same process. Most children do just great on their own and with some occasional help from their parents. But others need tutoring, not necessarily because they lack the ability to learn, but because they need more time doing so, or they don't pay enough attention in school or they simply reject some subjects.

When I was about to finish secondary school, most of us took Maths tutoring to prepare for our first major exam (the one before high-school). That was the trend, and needed or not, parents thought it was a great idea. Algebra, geometry, they all seemed to scare us all. But what I really needed homework help with was Physics, as most of us had trouble getting any of it from my first Physics teacher.

Now that we live in a technological paradise, online tutoring is also available. I guess it is a good idea, given that anything computer-related tends to attract children and teenagers more than a classical tutor.

Entry sponsored by TutorVista.com

Thinking of Moving Together with the One?

2007-10-02T04:28:00.001-07:00

Moving together is something couples always look forward to. The privacy, the enormous time together, the play family game and the freedom to act as you both feel like. But what happens when things happen the wrong way? Not as in not getting along, but as in mishaps and wrong doings that generate an enormous amount of stress for both of you. Well, I came up with a list after this weekend of moving:

breathe
breathe again
remember you are both tired and possibly cranky
go over the reasons for doing this again
think of the finish line
forget about how the place looks with all the stuff inside, that will definitely change
yes, you don't have everything you need, that happens
yes, you will forget to buy everything in on the list at the supermarket, so breathe some more
if you fight, remember it's because of the stress
physical work helps with tension and frustration, and you have plenty of that coming your way
think of that celebration dinner coming your way
think of all the advantages of the new place's location
breathe again
and breathe some more
cry if you have to
remember you are also exaggerating

That's all folks! Have fun while at it :) I did!

Online Shopping with Coupon Chief

2007-10-01T10:39:00.001-07:00

Coupon Chief is the place to go for those who believe that shopping at a lower price is better than a trip to the stores. I have to say more of those I've been talking to wish they could have all their shopping done online and delivered home, given the general lack of time that seems to affect all of us. Coupon Chief collaborates with all the online stores that matters, so there's no chance to miss out on what you are looking for: books, food and wine, computers, clothes, shoes, flowers, gifts or jewelry. All of these at a lover price.

I took a look at the HP Store. As you might now, I am a big fan. I love my HP notebook and have a bad habit of taking it everywhere with me, although sometimes I don't even go near the power button.

Given my current mood, waiting for desert after dinner, the Fanny May coupons to get delicious candy. Basically, everything you wanted is there, at a mouse click. I'd see this as the place to go for quick shopping, if you only see the need fulfilling part of it. If you see shopping as a social act, well, that's a different story.

Sponsored by Coupon Chief

GPS Inside Information

2007-09-27T06:41:00.001-07:00

GPS systems can turn out to be life saviors when you have no idea where you're going exactly or how to get there. This was their original purpose, to safely lead people from one point to another without all the fuss that came along with asking for direction, learning how to find your way using a normal map or calling someone at your destination to guide you through.

As it happens with other gadgets and systems, their original purpose changed. Somehow, software and hardware GPS tracking systems shifted focus and turned into a security tool: personal or corporate. Personal as GPS is used to locate stolen cars or to track company owned cars and their drivers. GPS Insight for example helps employers make sure their drivers are not doing something else instead of working. As they are closely monitored, their location being updated every 2 minutes. What does the company gain: they don't waste money on wasted time, they make sure no fuel is stolen and make sure the route taken is the best available one. The provided maps are highly customizable and come in high resolution so that monitoring a few dozen vehicles does not turn into a torture. But their true differentiator, what makes them really stand out, is their unique ability to provide direct engine diagnoses. That means providing data regarding fault codes, speed, fuel consumption, odometer readings, idle time and so on.
The system does come with its costs, as we all know there never is any free lunch. The price, of about 1,5-2 USD per vehicle/per day is however justified by the benefits the product offers. GPS Insight also comes with support services and, something I found interesting, covers a number of incidents for each monitored truck or car.

The company targets service and trucking companies mostly, of any sizes, but it can easily be integrated in any field requiring transportation. I see hardware and software based GPS tracking services as highly important not only to prevent losses resulting from specific, planned action of employees. It is also necessary to prevent little errors (such as not avoiding a way to crowded route, or taking a longer one) which, if computed, amount to quite important losses.

GPS Insight has a very clean site, offering all the information you might need and a large number of product screenshots and live demo. The product also comes with a 30 days money back guarantee.

Entry sponsored by GPS Insight

Intelligent You Say?

2007-09-26T23:19:00.000-07:00

I got this on my email, in a list of adds tagged ad (very) intelligent. I'd say funny at most. Does this look intelligent to you? Does it annoy you to see this stupid image of a woman being angry on another one because of her bigger breasts? I'll stick to my Canon for now and am not planning to ever buy a Nikon.

If you are a man reading this blog, does this make you want to buy the product?

The Heartless Corporate Woman Cliche

2007-09-20T03:18:00.000-07:00

There's a story that has been going around by email about this corporate hot shot, admired by everybody, who suddenly starts crying in the bathroom. She then pours her heart out about wanting to have a child and not actually having time for the actual procreation. The moral of the story? Focusing on your career will make you miss out on so many things.

What is wrong with this story? One simple fact: the husband in the story is also too tired to procreate. So I don't really get how she'll do it all on her own if she stops focusing that much on her job.

Now I know that ideally we should all work 5 days a week, from 9 to 5 and then have enough time left to enjoy all the other pleasures life has to offer. All good till now, but that is still only an idealistic approach. In the Real Romania, it works like that for a lucky elite only. The rest of us women have to put more effort into making enough money to first afford other treats and only then make time for them.

And no one thinks about long term state of affairs. Ok, she has the child and gives up her job for the hubby and baby and all. Should I remind you all that in Romania the wife gets no monthly sums of money? Only the child does, and not always enough. Should I also remind you that a break of a few years can make getting back into the work field can be really hard? For most of us, there is no either/or. As generally women with an ongoing career still have a hard time raising children on their own.

Then again, did any of us stop to think why certain women (house wives) stay in dysfunctional marriages? Why they accept to be beaten, cheated on or treated as servants? Simply because they cannot afford to do something else. So having to postpone a pregnancy is not the worst thing that can happen to a woman. Why do we blow it out of proportions? Why do we keep fighting the successful career woman? Isn't it high time we stopped?

College Attendance Made Easier

2007-09-18T23:41:00.000-07:00

College is not always easy to attend and within reach for all social classes. For a lot of young men and women, the fees are way too much and scholarships are not that many. So what to do in such a case? Student loan consolidation might be a solution. But what is that exactly? Student loan consolidation means you have some options when it comes to pay for college - you mix available scholarships with federal aid and with the most advantageous private student loans.

Such loans address parents, future college students and also graduate students, those having or looking for student loans. The NestStudent services in this area have an interesting slogan: college funding made easy. And this is something everyone would need, I guess. Material details sorted out so that they concentrate on what's really important: their education and their future career.

I haven't seen any real student loan consolidation services in Romania. But I am sure they'd be quite useful for a lot of college graduates whose parents cannot afford to pay for their education. Sure, there are some scholarships (most of them granted if students have great results during college), but there are still transportation, housing, meals and other such issues to worry about.

Post sponsored by NextSudent

Cliches in Tourism

2007-09-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

Being a regular viewer of Euronews means that you watch a different variety of adverts compared to your average terrestrial channel.

The
tourism adverts are especially unusual, with destinations like Iran
(The slogan for there should be "Iran...enjoy it while you can"),
Armenia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Montenegro and Sochi (Russia) being featured.

How ever, pretty much every advert features the same scene:

A
lady in "traditional dress" proffering a bowl of fruit. I call this,
the Prithee Fair Maiden
Shot.

It's a cheesy cliche that smacks of "Come to our country, filled with comely wenches who will wait on your every need" .

Sell what you have to offer, not your self respect.

Eating Disorders, Again

2007-09-10T00:57:00.000-07:00

As you all know, this is actually a topic I keep my eyes on. Mostly because I've come across people facing such issues and because it is a problem most people (those who suffer from it and their families) tend to ignore in some parts of the world. Romania is such an example, with no extensive studies being performed and with parents still seeing such disorders as a way to get more attention.

I've accidentally come across and article on the Change Therapy blog. featuring the results of a research performed on teenagers with bulimia. The results show that parents play a key role in their children's getting better. Read the article to find out more on the research and for additional information on such disorders.

Who Are the Women Who Rule the World?

2007-09-06T01:10:00.001-07:00

Feel like getting to know powerful women in the world? Then Forbes has the right answer for you. A list of the most powerful women in the world. I've only got to see the first 30, but it all seems quite interesting. Enjoy reading.

Creating the Right Light

2007-09-05T01:47:00.000-07:00

I am the type of girl who thinks light plays a key role in how I feel in a certain room. That is why I love rooms with enormous windows and why I am very careful in choosing the lighting for the nights I spend there.

Farreys. com gives you quite a large number of options for lighting and lamps. You have plenty to see and to choose from. But if you already know what you are looking for you can use the site's lighting search tool to help you narrow down your options.
My eye was particularly caught by the fine art lamps collection (from which I have taken the photos) and by the House of Troy lighting section. But there are a hundreds of possibilities on the site, to fit any type of room you might want to further decorate.
I am not all that crazy about their logo or their site look, they should work a little on those. But there are a few lamps I've seen that are really amazing. Take a look and tell me what you think.

Entry sponsored by Farreys.Com

What Women Really Want

2007-08-09T00:59:00.001-07:00

...or be careful how you state your wishes :P

How Far Would You Go to Shop for Free?

2007-07-26T01:08:00.001-07:00

I got this information via email, along with the photos, so I have no idea if they are copyright protected or if the information is accurate. A quick search did not return relevant enough information.
St. Petersburg (Russia), The "Glamour" magazine organized a high-heel sprint where women had to run wearing shoes with a minimum height of 3.5 inches to win a shopping voucher worth $2,000.
As you can see here, it wasn't what I'd call a breeze. These women were subdued to quite a lot of pain, I imagine, both from running and falling down.
According to this site and this video, the same thing was organized in Amsterdam, for 10,000 EUR this time. To be honest, I would not try it! I am not that desperate for freebies to take the pain. Would you?

Are These the Only Visible Things Women Do?

2007-06-25T03:24:00.001-07:00

This was supposed to be funny. I find it offensive to be honest. So, we never meet any of our friends, we only spend time on the phone. We never go out, see a movie, read a book or anything like that. And of course, all women in this universe are housewives. And have no children, cause I see not picking them from school or going to see the teacher.
Oh, and this women - clock is so accurate, it completely overlooks another cliche: the enormous amount of time women spend shopping. Anyway, it did get me a bit pissed off.

Should Aunt Irma Stop Visiting?

2007-04-20T04:03:00.000-07:00

I thought of bringing a story published by New York Times to your attention. First, here are some (quite a few) excerpts from the article:

For many women, a birth control pill that eliminates monthly menstruation might seem a welcome milestone.

But others view their periods as fundamental symbols of fertility and health, researchers have found. Rather than loathing their periods, women evidently carry on complex love-hate relationships with them.

The Food and Drug Administration agency is expected to approve the first contraceptive pill that is designed to eliminate periods as long as a woman takes it.

The drug’s maker, Wyeth, said yesterday that it was expecting F.D.A. approval in May, but has declined to discuss its marketing plans.

The company’s research shows that nearly two-thirds of women it surveyed expressed an interest in giving up their periods. That dovetails with the findings of similar research conducted by Linda C. Andrist, a professor at MGH Institute of Health Professions in Boston.

“We don’t want to confront our bodily functions anymore,” Ms. Andrist said. “We’re too busy.” Doctors say they know of no medical reason women taking birth control pills need to have a period. The monthly bleeding that women on pills experience is not a real period, in fact.

Ms. Chesler, who teaches documentary making at the University of California, San Diego, said she became concerned about efforts to eliminate menstruation when she first heard about the idea several years ago.

“Women are not sick,” she said. “They don’t need to control their periods for 30 or 40 years.”

Eliminating menstruation is not a completely new concept. Women who take any kind of oral contraceptive do not have real periods.

Menstrual suppression may be particularly appealing to women who suffer severe pain, heavy bleeding or emotional problems during their periods. A study by Canadian researchers found that women afflicted by heavy menstrual bleeding give up $1,692 a year in lost wages.

Views about menstruation have long been mixed. Some cultures have banished menstruating women to huts or required special baths after periods. Others believed that menstruating women had special powers.

Wyeth's therapeutic director for women’s health, Dr. Ginger D. Constantine, cited company-financed research indicating that women often feel less effective at work and school during their periods. They limit sexual activity and exercise, wear dark clothes and stay home more, resulting in absenteeism, she said.

I must say I have no idea what I would choose, given the option. To be honest, before having it, I went crazy waiting for my period. Other girls around me were already talking about this issue and I felt left out and such a child. I would now said I was way too ignorant of the matter. I got it, I was happy, for about two months. Then I faced the real problems of it: impossible timing, extra care needed, all the ill-feeling sometimes associated with it. I do not have an actual PMS. But I do feel fat and ugly while it lasts.

Now I have to think of complete freedom. If using normal pills leaves me with a fake period, why keep it? Is that what makes me feel like a woman? Far from it... I think I would be more inclined to say yes to such an option, after monitoring the issue for a while (a year or so would be enough to see if any health issues arise).

What would you do in this case?

Barbie Magazine, stairway to eating disorders

2007-04-06T05:09:00.000-07:00

People ask themselves why anorexia is becoming a problem in Romania. Well, I guess it has a lot to do with patterns we import from other countries. The most frequently seen are the dozens of women's magazines, containing clothes, makeup and diets and photos of very thin women. But it starts way sooner!

Those of you living in Bucharest have surely seen the Barbie magazine ads. I tried looking up a site of this magazine but failed. Anyway, the ad that always makes me mad is the one displayed at the entrace of the Brancoveanu metro station. It shows a 10 (12 maximum) year old girl, with a complicated hairdo, makeup and a really tight dress. She is trying a sexy look (yes, I am serious) and it simply looks scary to me.

The slogan is "Barbie, your best friend". Is that the friend mothers want for their daughters? A skinny looking doll whose proportions are physically impossible? And who allowed that girl to be photographed like that? Does she not have a mother? Is she not too young to be trapped in the shallowness of how important looks are?

Teenagers are the most common victims of eating disorders. Maybe more of us should thing twice before making models out of our young girls and before buying them such magazines.

My Revolution

2007-04-04T11:18:00.000-07:00

This is my first post here, and although the title of it sounds pretentious or lame, that only the whole story will reveal.
I want to talk about how it is like to come out of your shell sometimes, even though, weirdly enough, you are far from being shy. It needs some courage and a bit of spark, at the right moment. I had this spark today, therefore, I made my revolution, thank you to my sweetest friend Alina, who taught me that "you are the one in charge when it comes to what you feel". But hey, what am I talking about here, you might all wonder by now, if you haven't rolled your eyes already. :)

I am asking you, how do you feel when you are nice and the nicer you get, the uglier people behave around you, just like a downward spiral with a bad end. Oh well, I have this "friend" or better said, acquaintance, and she always felt the need to attack me somehow, when it comes to my skills, to my appearance, to anything else under the sun. You know.... with those silly remarks you can hardly have an intelligent answer for, go figure.
Today, I told her what I feel about something she wanted to be praised for, I told her the truth, that it was crappy, in short, I felt I am fed up to be nice and show her only the good side when there was hardly any of it, I was harsh and critique. She took it badly and her arguments were so poor that it made me wonder, why do I wanna be "friends" with someone I feel no connection with, instead I am trying to make a connection by giving but not receiving. I had this smirk on my face, of coming out as my true self and tell people the truth as they deserve it, just like I tell it to myself, so too many times.

She is not important for me, I am not important for her, I am sure we have already replaced each other by now, she, with a moaning about my behavior, me, with this wonderful blog I can pour my silly thoughts into. And, I smile to this screen, I feel that after few years of trying to be nice I can almost be mean with those who deserve it, I feel the days in which I go in a corner to feel bad as I didn't have the right answer to an attack, are slowly going away....
It is like you face bullying more or less, I was too blind to see it, until ....today. Some of you might ask, was that woman deserving your bluntness? Oh, yeah, my answer would be, as I made my revolution today, and I started with the right person.

ps:
Thank you Alina and each one of you I know very little yet, for giving me a peice of your blog, to share my world with you. :)

New Girl in the Club

2007-03-30T03:49:00.000-07:00

Important notice!!!
GBC has the great pleasure of presenting its newest member, Beatrice. Besides blogging fervently from now on, she also designs great logos. You can see a link to her own company on our sidebar.
Let's all welcome her and wish her a pleasant stay at GBC!

Simply Unacceptable!

2007-03-28T03:55:00.000-07:00

We all worry about a little unwanted comment-spam, we complain about blog stalkers that criticize everything we read, write or do. That kind of comes with blogging and can be ignored and handled quite successfully. But what happens when there is no limit? When you are treated like a mere object and you receive death threats as comments or emails? A post on Dio's Quasi Fictional brought this problem to my attention.

A female blogger, very successful one might I add, is experiencing all these. Go to her blog for more details on how such a situation affects the victim. Because in this case she actually is a victim, nothing less. It is not just some text, it is still a threat and should be treated exactly as an old school letter.

I feel rage, disgust, but helplessness is the dominant sensation. I would like to help, and there is now way for me to do that. Therefore, I can only show my support. I can actually say I understand how it feels, but only to some extent. I've had a knife held to my neck, but only for a few minutes. I have no idea how I'd handle such a prolonged experience. I think she is doing great in this situation.

Boring Stuff for Boys

2007-03-24T06:11:00.001-07:00

Brain dead tv. The television programmes you can turn off your brain and just watch, no thinking required.

My favourite type of brain dead tv is the music channels. I'm not so bad now, but in my student days I could watch these for hours.

Although, if I'm honest, working life isn't the only reason I watch these channels less now.

The truth is, I find a lot of music videos unbearable to watch. They've gone from having pretty girls dancing, to having pretty girls looking and acting like porn stars. Fly girls are now "video ho's". Inventivness has been lost to the desire to make every single promo video look like soft porn, with the boundaries being pushed back further and further.

A graphic example is the plethora of "knicker shots", where the model is wearing tiny knickers and showing as much flesh as possible. Or they'll just set the video in a lap dancing club.

I find these videos not just offensive and demeaning to women, but boring. These videos are a wave of erstaz sexuality aimed at the "lad" demographic. Why should I watch them, when they so blatantly aren't made for me or other any women.

Music videos used to be (and sometimes still are, check out the works of Michel Gondry, Spike Jonze or Sophie Muller) an inventive marriage of sound and vision. One of my earliest childhood memories is watching Michael Jackson's Billie Jean video, seeing the paving stones light up and thinking it was the coolest thing ever.

I want that sort of imaginative visual back, rather then this continued slide into sleaze.

Something like this:

Fun for the Girls

2007-03-23T07:37:00.000-07:00

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

As my friend Ryan noted, the same theory may prove true for men as well.

Different perspectives

2007-03-20T02:53:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed that when saying something really naughty, almost dirty, a boy and a girl are looked at differently? If a few girls are walking and making comments (not always innocent) on boys they see, they are always regarded as evil doers, unlike boys doing the very same.

Why is that? We can all have such playful, hunter feelings. No one imagines women are blind, deaf and always obsessing on one man alone. As long as they don't say it, it is all very appropriate. Thinking it does not matter, just keep it to yourself. That is so wrong though.

As far as I can tell, being in love, in a relationship, and committed to your feelings and your relationship does not mean you will never have opinions on the opposite sex. It does not mean anyone else is purely non-attractive to you. It only means you are genuinely not interested. You make a choice (you commit to a person) and stick with that choice.

And if you are not in a relationship, not seeing someone and definitely looking, well than you have the same opinions on the opposite sex. A man would seem attractive or not in both circumstances, only that you may choose to take an interest. Or not. For your own reasons.

If when seeing someone you smile and you have that "I am definitely into you" look and also dare to say something about it to your friends and you also happen to be in a public place, you'd better not be a woman! Cause people will definitely look down on you! If you only think it, that's just ok!

If you feel like going a little over the line when talking to your friends, then again, make sure you are behind closed doors or that you are a man. Otherwise, you can have results ranging from people in complete shock, not being able to continue whatever they were previously doing, to serious accidents. And the look, the "You are so going to burn in hell look", well, I just love that!

So here is how I see it: there should not be any difference in judging what people (as in men and women alike) are thinking and saying. It is just the same. Keeping it to yourself or to close friends will not make you better. The difference is between thinking of something and doing it. That's all!

Death by Starvation

2007-03-09T01:38:00.000-08:00

The EVZ daily paper has published a story on anorexia today. It presents a few facts about the victims the disease has made in Romania, the reasons to get sick, psychological aspects and a few statistics.

Romania has been kept safe from this disease up to know, but in the past few years, the cases of anorexia have become more and more common. Experts say refusing to eat will become a public health problem in the next 5 or 6 years.

Anorexia is frequent among women aged 13 to 20, and it is encountered in men also, very rarely. Relationships of mothers with their children, school mates and promoted standards (mostly by the fashion industry) are a few of the reasons this frightening disease exists. Other than teenage girls, people depending on their image for a living (models, ballerinas, actresses etc) and old people who have lost their will to live can also be affected by it.

Similar to the case of bulimia, medical treatment is almost impossible for those suffering from anorexia. An entire board of doctors (including a psychologist and a psychiatrist) is needed to treat such a patient. The disease can only be treated within hospitals, as people suffering from anorexia also become suicidal.

There are no relevant statistics regarding this disease in Romania, nor for bulimia. The reason? They have recently started to be considered an issue requiring such attention.

Story in Romanian and a summary in English.

The part of this story that made me really angry was the interview with the owner of the largest modeling company in Romania, also published by EVZ. He denies the fact that models and the fashion industry have any impact on or responsibility towards those suffering from anorexia.

He states normal models, not skinny and fitting some impossible standards, would make fat people contempt with themselves. Yes, in some cases, being fat is a problem; it can lead to severe illnesses. Other than that, not being perfectly slim is really nooo problem.

And besides, if anyone wants to loose weight, they should go exercise, eat healthy and generally lead a healthy life. Starving yourself to death will bring you just that: death. No beauty in turning into dust, is there?

How’s the situation in other countries? Do you have any relevant data to share?

What is a photo?

2007-03-06T03:27:00.000-08:00

I am rediscovering the power of photos these days. Nothing attracts better your visitors' attention than a photo. I have to admit I have published photos quite often. They help making a story more expressive and yes, they do tend to catch the readers' eyes.

Personal photos, portraits especially, have an even greater power. I have posted a few photos of myself on my own blog several days ago. Well, it's been the third day in a row when they have been most popular links. I would like new visitors to be attracted by my blog's content, but it seems my photos do a better job.

George said once that posting a girl photo on my profile had a lot to do with new visitors. He was right, after that, I had a lot more profile views.

For the new photos, if I exclude friends who commented as they had not seen me in my new look, I am still left with way too many clicks directed to those photos.

Why is that? Why do new posts remain without comments although they bring quite interesting or important news or talk about a movie or a book or other experiences, while those photos are still commented on? Are we all so tributary to physical appearance? Does it feel the same for male photos? From George's comments, I understood it doesn't.

Anyway, this was a good exercise. My decision, not to post any other photos soon.

Fun for the Girls

2007-02-21T23:51:00.000-08:00

Enjoy!

The New Girl in the Club

2007-02-21T23:40:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen!!!!!!!

The Girl's Blogosphere Club is proud to introduce its new member:

Om Luji!

You are hereby invited to keep an eye on her work, both here and on her own blog.

Welcome.

Is the Eternal Feminine at Bay?

2007-02-01T05:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I came across another online magazine for women. I browsed to it, as I usually do with such magazines, and then I never return. Unless I am really bored and there is nothing else to do.

Their attitude does annoy me. Even if they are aimed at career women, the attitude is a bit wrong. They still promote diets. None focuses more on careers, on experiences, on real accounts on everything. They still all make a purpose of discovering what’s behind the masculine mind. Well I don’t care about that when reading such a magazine. I want to read about women. How they handle stuff. Not a psychologist’s opinion on how men think.

Anyway, back to the respective magazine. I loved the slogan: for women who successfully combine their career and family life. Great! I need some advice on that. Then I saw the sections. Career is fourth, after Home, Family and Beauty??? And the square in front of it has the ugliest, least attractive colors of all: a gray of some sort.

Then I read this article in the Lifestyle section. About successful business women in a man’s world. OK, enough of that. I am tired of people talking about how women become more and more like men when they handle important affairs. How the eternal feminine might be lost on the way to prove their independence, their leadership abilities etc.

Just because women want to do what men do does not mean they won’t bring in their own style. Yes, they might experience lack of time and everything, but as Cris said at a certain point, they still have similar issues when it comes to relationships and life in general. They won’t turn into copies of men in their field. Not all of them anyway. Some might!

So maybe a HowTo on how to stay a woman when doing a man’s job? That would be an interesting subject for me. Or maybe an extensive article about day care (or the lack of it) in Romanian companies? Or more statistics or employed women vs housewives. Or women’s salaries vs men’s salaries. Or Queen Bees in Romania. Do they exist? Single women and single mothers. How to handle all life’s responsibility on your own when clearly the stay at home option is not available? Maybe we should focus on that more and less on pathological fights within a relationship.

Tags: Women, Career Women, Family, Lifestyle, Garbo, Women's Magazines, Journalism

Women- powerful or not?

2007-01-26T03:50:00.000-08:00

Today I read many silly articles for women, you know the kind: advice for your relationship, how to meet the perfect man, how to have passionate sex and so on. I know some impressive career women who despite their position, financial status, power, when they meet a man they like, they lose their mind and emotions go wild. From this moment on they become like any other women, maybe even more emotional and needy. They start having some serious security issues. They need their men to hold them, rub them and tell them how special they are for providing them moral, mental and emotional support.

Fun: Women vs Men Praying

2007-01-25T04:37:00.000-08:00

WOMAN'S POEM:
“Before I lay me down to sleep/
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,/
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,/
One who thinks before he speaks,/
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,/
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,/
Massages my back and begs to do more./
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"/
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.”

MAN'S POEM:
“ I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.”

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

2007-01-19T02:48:00.000-08:00

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids
each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and
pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each
week.

Rest of the details found here...

US - 51% of Women Are Living Without Spouse

2007-01-16T08:34:00.000-08:00

"For what experts say is probably the first time, more American women are living without a husband than with one, according to a New York Times analysis of census results.

In 2005, 51 percent of women said they were living without a spouse, up from 35 percent in 1950 and 49 percent in 2000.

Coupled with the fact that in 2005 married couples became a minority of all American households for the first time, the trend could ultimately shape social and workplace policies, including the ways government and employers distribute benefits.

Several factors are driving the statistical shift. At one end of the age spectrum, women are marrying later or living with unmarried partners more often and for longer periods. At the other end, women are living longer as widows and, after a divorce, are more likely than men to delay remarriage, sometimes delighting in their newfound freedom.

In addition, marriage rates among black women remain low. Only about 30 percent of black women are living with a spouse, according to the Census Bureau, compared with about 49 percent of Hispanic women, 55 percent of non-Hispanic white women and more than 60 percent of Asian women."

Whole story here.

This is one of those pieces of news that does not surprise me at all. Why? My way of thinking I guess. In a recent conversation with a friend we were discussing how our perceptions of marriage and the right age for having a family have changed over the years.

"A few years ago, I thought that if I were not settled down by the time I turned 30, it would be a complete tragedy", she said. "Now I changed that age to 40 and it feel right." That is how I see it. Until 3o, you have time to complete your education, date enough to know yourself and your tastes, have time to dedicate to building a career and whatever else one need on an individual level. Afterwards, it's time for a relationship, not marriage necessarily, and children.

Being the child of divorced parents, I somehow came to think marriage as a mere paper. It's not the legal bond that holds a couple together. A relationship can last or not regardless of the social and legal aspect that marriage implies.

How do you feel about this percentage, about marriage in general and the basis of a family? Does anyone know of similar surveys from other countries?

Tags: women, marriage, lifestyle, family

Office queen bees hold back women's carrers

2007-01-03T06:13:00.000-08:00

FORGET “jobs for the boys”. Women bosses are significantly more likely than men to discriminate against female employees, research has suggested.

The study found that when presented with applications for promotion, women were more likely than men to assess the female candidate as less qualified than the male one.

They were also prone to mark down women’s prospects for promotion and to assess them as more controlling than men in their management style.

The findings, based on experiments carried out among more than 700 people, suggest that the “queen bee syndrome” of female rivalry in the workplace may sometimes be as important as sexism in holding back women’s careers. Full story here.

Why is that? Why do you think women would be so keen on holding down other women. Are they seen as bigger threats career wise? Because I seriously doubt they believe male employees always do such a great job!

Is it so?

2006-11-29T07:00:00.000-08:00

Comic from here.

Work, work, work

2006-10-29T11:03:00.000-08:00

There are people who live in order to work and others, a happier bunch in my opinion, who choose to work in order to be able to live. I see people who have a successful career, manager position and start working at 9 am, end the day at 3 am.
Maybe you think the weekends are the days when the respective persons have a break. Wrong. They work also in the weekends. Therefore, they own a nice house, nice car, top brand notebook, smart phone and best clothes money can buy. They live with their mother and dog. Correct, no spouse, children in the picture, even if 35-40 years have passed since these people saw the daylight the first time.

I wonder if happiness can be achieved in such a way or at least if I am protected from such an empty life. I could never be contempt with such a lifestyle, I would feel very alone, I wouldn't find any reason to work and to live for.

What do you think? Which is the way to live a normal life with sufficient funds and joy?

Tags: Lifestyle, Career

Aerobics Can Actually be Fun

2006-10-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

Why do women go to aerobics? Because they don’t know the routine, to socialize, to do something nice with their friends, to loose weight, to get in shape? All these may seem like reason, but the actual sport, socializing and everything else could be done in different places, with different people.

But the truth is women going there need the discipline of it. The instructor counting, pushing, showing the new moves…Even if you learn the routine, you then go home and find excuses to postpone the exercising you had planned. Which you cannot really do in a gym! Because there are eyes who see and scold you!

The gym Cris and I are going to is quite cozy. Smiling personnel, nice design of the reception, and lots of types of aerobics. You need to make a reservation, as they do not allow more then 10 people in one class. And their star instructor, as far as I care, is Dana!

Dana is quite short and thin, but when she moves, you see the shape of every muscle in her body. She is energetic and pushes you to the limits, but always does so with a special smile on her face, that of an accomplice of yours.

Her smile never leaves her face, tired or not, early or late…And she loves certain songs. And those songs are played over and over again, until she finds a new favorite. Just like I do sometimes. She always seems full of life and makes you feel full of energy in the end, proud of the fact you’ve survived her training session, and wondering about how you will manage to drag yourself home…

She makes people clap, jump, and laugh to the music. This sometimes turns the class into genuinely fun time to such an extent that you forget about the pain you feel in your abs muscles or on your thighs.

It is a bit silly that lots of people need someone to make them work out. I for one, if I had a fitness room set up at home, I will leave it to the dust and touch it maybe once a month. Because when you are tired and have a million other things to do, being pushed a little by 1. the instructor and 2. the fact you have paid for the class is quite welcomed. And if someone so contagious as Dana does it, even better!

Tags: Aerobics, Sports, Working Out, Exercising

Platinum Disc at Three

2006-10-06T23:38:00.000-07:00

Cleopatra Stratan is what you'd call a wonder child. She just turned four yesterday, October 6th. While she was still only three years old, she was awarder a Platinum Disc by Cat Music for selling over fourty thousand copies of her first album, "La varsta de trei ani" (At the age of three).

Daughter of the equally famous Pavel Stratan, Cleopatra has a quite bright future facing her. Let's all wish her the best and many more concerts and albums to come.

Watch her latest video here.

Photo originally uploaded by Evenimentul Zilei.

Tags: Singers, Child Prodigies, Cleopatra Stratan, Pavel Stratan.

Supermom & Wonderwoman

2006-07-21T23:51:00.000-07:00

We all need great rolemodels to follow and to learn from. Usually we look for strong, successful woman in the media, sometimes among our relatives and friends.

Well I have found one on the blogosphere. She was first promoted by Shirazi and that is how I first ended up reading her blog.

To keep it short, Naomi is a single mom, doing her best to provide for her daughter and her grandchild. She's currently employed part-time and searching for a new full time job, also doing housework for more than her family.

We should all drop by her blog, read, learn, and send us our virtual support.

Hypocrisy

2006-07-03T04:09:00.000-07:00

I think this post is somehow an extension to Loulou's post

I know a friend A. who's a total contradict , she claims she has high principles and solid values , and she's the type who pretends to be prude , she wants to be known as the cutest and the shiest girl , which is not TRUE!
Just hypocrisy , I hate this behavior , people who aren't honest with themselves , and this of course showed very much in her relationship with her fiancé , she'd give up everything for him , her solid and high principles seems to weaken for him , only for him , and the funny thing is , she'd criticize her friends for giving up on religion and principles for their boyfriends or fiancés , I mean what the HELL??? I really don't understand this behavior , and I really hate it .. cant' take this hypocrisy to one's self , and it really gets on my nerves!

How can I respect her or listen to her viewpoints when I know she's only a big mouth??
Her behavior is none of my business really , I can never talk to her about it , but what I hate is knowing that a person in front of me lying just to keep a fake holy image!
If she'd only shut up the holy non-sense and stop the act!!!

I don't know ... is it the case with girls just for guys ?? does love make u a weak disgusting creature?? of course not, it's just girl's stupidity!
I don't think there're exceptions to principles , a principle is a principle .PERIOD

Happy Birthday

2006-06-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

Today is the 61st birthday of a truly inspirational woman: Aung San Suu Kyi, considered by many to be the rightful leader of Burma.

She has been under house arrest for over 10 years, isolated from her loved ones.

Despite all her suffering, she remains committed to achieving justice for the citizens of Burma and a fervent critic of the country's totalitarian regime.

Here is an extract from one her most famous speeches:

It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it.

Let the dictators and bullies know that goodness can never be extinguished, not in houses, prisons or graves.

I dearly wish she lives to realise her dream, for her and for her people.

One major disadvantage of having crushes!!

2006-06-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

It becomes difficult to trust your heart!!

Video Romance in black and white

2006-05-31T06:43:00.000-07:00

Relationships in music videos/video clips tend to be shown in a very glamourous manner. Even if the heroine is broken hearted and crying, her make up stays immaculate.

So I found this video very interesting. It's extremely low budget but for me it's realism was more affecting then a thousand single tears sliding slowly down an over made-up cheek.

Remains of the old club

2006-05-29T04:50:00.000-07:00

As you can see, our friend Ahmed helped me recover some of the posts we have lost. We should keep searching on Google to see if we can find some more of our posts.

In the mean time, new posts would not be such a bad thing either, would they! :) I'm waiting for your posts, comments and invitation requests.

Keep safe and keep strong!

Quote from the shadow dancer

2006-05-29T04:20:00.000-07:00

Women...that's where God outdid Himself...Of all the things He created, what could be more perfect than women?

posted by Alina

Comments:

Safiya said...: That reminds me of the old joke:

Q The perfect man. the perfect woman and Santa Claus are in a lift when they see some money on the floor. Who picks it up?

A The Perfect woman. The other two don't exist.

Reasons to be Cheerful: A Week off Work

2006-05-29T04:19:00.000-07:00

This week off feels so well-earned too. After a few weeks working hours that are politely described as "unsociable", to have a whole seven days to myself feels like such a treat. However, having spent two weeks stuck in the work/sleep cycle means that I have a few things to do first. Like rectify the fact the house looks like it's been taking over by a heap-making monster who has left piles of washing, paperwork and general clutter in its wake. Also normalise the realtionship with my cats so they will sit on my lap sometimes instead of just sitting on me all the time in a "Don't leave us!" fashion.

Then it's catching up with all the people I haven't had time to see and going to all the appointments for stuff that I haven't had time to sort out in work (including the dentist, what joy!). Meanwhile having to adjust my bodyclock back so I don't spend the whole week wearing pyjamas and watching bad tv because the only time I'm awake is when everyone else is asleep. Plus there's all the reading I want to catch up with. Suddenly seven days doesn't seem like such a long time. I'll have to make time to read that time management book I haven't had chance to read yet.....

I probably should have done the introduction bit at the start, anyway thank you for letting me join your blog, I'm Safiya and this is my first post. I hope you all like it or at least find it passes the time before lunch/while you're waiting for your coffee to cool down so you can drink it/when your boss is around and you have to look busy or what ever else.
posted by Safiya

Comments:

Alina said...: Welcome, Safyia! I had the same problem with my week of a while ago! At first, it seemed such a long time, then it turned into an I-don't-know-what-to-do-first period!
doshar said...: hello safiya! time management book!! i have about 2!! and have not been able to manage the time to read them. you think when we read them things will get better?
Safiya said...: We can only hope Doshar ;)

Minor details

2006-05-29T04:16:00.000-07:00

I love the beauty salon, generally speaking. I love the pampering feeling of doing things for your self, to look better and mainly to feel better. With one exception: going home after a facial!

I am sure you know it! Your face looks like a red monkey’s ass…Yes it will look perfect the next morning and your know is glowing due to such cleanliness, and if the lights went off it would probably shine as bright as a light bulb, but still…You have to face all those people staring at you and wondering “poor thing, what in the world happened to her face?”…

The salon is only five minutes away from our place, you get there in no time, but the way back seems so impossibly long…And of course on this abnormal day, 20 degrees plus in February that announce no good, well on this day all the world is out having a walk! All of them pass by me, looking at me and wondering. I look the other side and continue my long, painful journey home…

I finally get there just to realize it is already 6 something PM and he is about to come home… To see me looking like this! OMG!

Speaking of men seeing you in such circumstances, I have another point to make…We see lots of pictures about deserted islands with people who are lost there…Isn’t it amazing how they all have toothbrushes and look so clean after washing their clothes with just some water? Why does their hair (I mostly mean women here) grow all over their body? Why don’t they ever face such issues? Because it is not pretty, it is not attractive, it is not something to keep you watching tv?

Well, I think it makes the show real, human and all that! Just like it happened to Desperate Housewives when one of the characters was shaving her legs in the Jacuzzi. These are “minor” problems women sometimes obsess about: the beach weekend has to be planned around the waxing appointment, so does the summer vacation! It is also very important to help you decide what to wear on different occasions…

Some think we do these stuffs, facials, waxing, dying our hair, mostly to be more attractive/appealing to men. I think it is not this! Unless we had invented them, men could not care less! It is our own strive for perfection in every aspect! We are the ones having a hard time dealing with our own hairy parts (and a great part of us think the same think about men – if you are wondering, no we do no thing is gay if you extend your shaving in the area under your arm, you know it, yes, exactly, there!) and we make up more and more things to do to preserve our youthful state. Such are girls and later on, such are women!

posted by Alina

Comments:

Sarah:
Well Alina, I know exactly what you are talking about my greatest feeling ever is after I get a facial or when I am leaving my beauty saloon knowing that I am cleaner and softer than I was. Talking about perfection I am that. I am not doing it to please anyone but myself. I mean I am veiled and yet waxing is inevitable for ME's sake, which is more important than anything.
I like the feeling.. I am going to do it in a couple of days cannot wait..
:0)

Safiya said...: I think as women we do so much to ouselves and we all live in fear of returning to our natural state, I'd have visions of myself walking round with a handle-bar moustache and two caterpillars for eyebrows.

As for t.v programmes when they're on desert islands, what I want to know is, what do they do about sanitary products? Was the plane also carrying a cargo of Always or something? If that were me, it would be a major trauma situation especially with no painkillers!

Anyway my skin has been looking dreadful of late, so I think I need a facial (Confession: I've never had one before).

See, this is why a girls' only blog is good, you can discuss the important issues ;)

Sarah said...: Safiya: Facials are an absloute must, it will make you feel super about yourselfbut caution once you started you would know what you have been missing and you WONT BE ABLE TO STOP..
However it is a bliss..
girl's blog or not.. just speak your heart out and ignore the rest of the crowd..

Oh by the way.. would you like to be part of the club ??
Alina said...: Sarah, very true! I love pleasing myself first of all!

Safiya, I am not afraid of my natural state, I just hate it sometimes. Certain hairs on my body might be natural but I still have a personal war against them...And if you think what a natural state is for kids, it is pretty much hairless..

The Always issue, that I congratulate you on! Forgot about it! I think they forget about it! Although, I remember this was a pretty big deal in Blue Lagune, as a means to scare an unknowing girl, but they stopped at that and didn't show her solution! Maybe she just stayed in the water the whole time! :D
Safiya said...: Sarah: Thank you very much, Invitation accepted (if that's ok with the other ladies).
Is there some sort of initiation process? ;)
Alina said...: Of course there is: you must drink the juice of two lizard tails! :))
Sarah said...: Alina:
Do not forget that the lizards MUST BE SINGLE for the rituals to be complete :0)

Safiya: Will send you an invitation dear as soon as I can…

Welcome on board..
Cheers.
Sarah said...: Oh Darn
Safyia:
I need your email address to send you an invitation..

If you do not want to post it here send it to me on

abc@gmail.com

pamela said...: i just got a pedicure today and it was wonderfully relaxing. nothing more important than pampering ourselves. :)

What's for dinner?

2006-05-29T04:15:00.000-07:00

I was sitting at work today with a couple of male colleagues. one of them M, has been married for about a year to an ex-colleague of ours. The other (W), starting to chit chat the time away

W: So, M, how are things...is H your wife a good cook? does she cook nice stuff for you?

M: Yeah she is great. She knows how to cook really well. some girls really have no idea how to fry an egg. But she is really good. her mother taught her well. even though she really does not like to cook, but she does it, because she knows it is her duty.
The only problem she faces is the time. She comes home from work really late and is always in a hurry to prepare the food quickly. and she is always stuck for time.

Now here my thought is: is this how men evaluate their wives? how well do they cook? anyway here is the rest of it:

W: oh yeah that problem. i guess she has to cook everything on the weekends, and heat up the stuff every day.

M: yeah, she does that, but she still is stuck for time heating it up.

Now I spoke up::

Hey M, don't you finish work here at 2? so you are home before she gets home for at least a couple of hours. why don't you start up some stuff? and help her out?

M: Nah, I do not like cooking and stuff

ME: yeah but you can help. ( I mean she does not like it either, but she does it. btw, did i mention she is 6 months pregnant?)

W: why don't you at least make some rice or spaghetti? it is really easy.

M: no... i do not like trying things like that out.

Me: (already impatient): hey you can help her heat up at least!! It is not fair. Her work load is much more than you this way. no matter how giving someone is, if they are being treated unfairly... they will feel bad. if she does not mind this, at least show her appreciation.

M: Flustered: yeah of course i do. you are absolutely right. of course i try to help as much as i can. and i appreciate her of course.

ME: that is good.

M: i am guessing you are not really into cooking and house work and stuff. you don't seem like the type to be a house wife.
Me: now why do you say that? I love to cook!

Now this has been said to me quite often. even though anyone who knows me well, knows that I actually enjoy cooking. and with people I love... I sacrafice alot my own rest to make them happy. to the extent that my sister occasionally worries that they would abuse it. ( actually some did). but I do it with love, if it makes my loved ones happy. As long as it is not taken for granted that is all.

Being able and willing to do or give more than your share can co-exist with knowing what you diserve, your rights and your duties. prevents future trouble, believe me.
posted by doshar

Comments:

Safiya said...: Yes, any men who a reading this:
possession of XX chromosomes does not equal undying love for all household chores!

Likewise, having a Y chromosomes does not entail an inability to do the afformentioned tasks.

What century are we in again?
Alina said...: Safyia, you are absolutely right!

I hate cooking and I am not that good at it...I try it once or twice a week lately and most of the times it turns out bad! But K does the same, try to make some stuff, and we try to help eachother when the other one is cooking.

Unless people have a passion for it, no one loves house work, especially after a long day of work! But still, we all have to do it!

And Doshar, she is also pregnant? OMG, he is an ass, no offence! She could at least have a quiet week with him heating up what she cooks!
doshar said...: hi safiya, actually, i once used that exact same argument with someone. he was telling me that they can share, but if he they are equal, then she would be more disposed to cooking. and i asked: why? is it in her genes that she can and you can not?

anyway... that made him retreat. a fair argument is always a powerful one.

alina... actually what surprised me was that i have known the guy for years... and he actually is not an ass at all. he is actually one of the nice guys. i think the situation here, is that he is lazy... and she took it upon herself that it is her duty whatever what... and he is taking advantage of that and lying back.

actually alot of women behave this way... submissively agreeing and taking more than share of work... and feeling that they are content with this. i heard a woman once saying: it is normal that the woman is the one who has to tolerate more. and i was like why??/

i guess they think that if they cause no trouble or ask for their rights.. then they are good wives. don't know.
Nora said...: I think a lot of men in our culture perceive housework and cooking as the woman's duty, regardless of whether she works or not. They think that since it's her choice to work, then it's her problem how to balance between work and housework; why should they help!! I guess what needs to be done is first to change that perception. Cooking and housework should also be a choice, not a duty. Even if you are a housewife, with nothing else to do, then you should choose how to spend your time. But again, a good wife is expected to keep her house clean, her husband and kids well-fed, and also find time for herself!! It's a tough equation....and I don't think that a lot of men understand or appreciate that.
My hat off to all working/nonworking women/wives/mothers.
doshar said...: motasim, really, why would you not cook? and why are you so flabberghasted by the idea? as if it is asking to do something that is beneath men. that men are somehow too good to cook?

if it is a demeaning thing, maybe women would not like to do it either?

and it is not about cooking per se... it is about sharing the load in a marriage.
Safiya said...: Most of the world famous chefs are men, which proves not only that men are capable of cooking, but can do so to a very high standard and achieve a gret deal of satisfaction from it.

However, Doshar is right. This debate isn't about who cooks dinner, but the inability of some men to work as a partnership (which is Sunnah).
doshar said...: motasim:

no offense taken of course. i do not think anyone would be offended by what comes to your head when you pass by this blog. it is your business only what is in your head.

and your friend who complains from his wife doing nothing for him, only for herself. maybe he drove her to be like that by never doing anything for her.

aLso, the cave example, not only did the hunting be replaced by sitting in front of a monitor, but the women go out hunting with the men alot too. they both work now.

it is a give and take situation. you give , you also expect to take. fair enough?

and for the breast feeding thing, don't know if you know this, but in Islam, if a woman does not want to breast feed and wants to hire someone to nurse her kids, and her husband can afford that, he should.
Shirazi said...: Nice post and discussion here.

The first step

2006-05-29T04:14:00.001-07:00

I’ve always wondered, why are we accustomed that it’s always guys who should take the first step?! Why is it improper for us (as girls) to start and take that step first?!

Is it part of a girl’s pride?! But I don’t think it’s logical.

posted by MoonLightShadow

Comments:

Safiya said...: I agree. I don't sit around and wait for anything else in my life, why should it be any different when it comes to romance?
Rain said...: :))
Moon, if it's a rule , then break it, u don't have to follow customs.
doshar said...: i think there is no such rule that is carved in stone.

it all depends on the situation. if there is someone you almost do not know and have a crush on someone for example... and go up and ask him out, he will be taken back a bit, might go out, might not. it is just an inbred thing in men's psychology that they are the ones to approach.. that is all.

but you can have a more subtle approach... send the signals and get closer, and sometimes allow him to ake the official move. it would feel better i think for me romantically when he tells me first. it will make me feel desired and loved.
i remeber the story of sayyeda khadiga when she wanted to marry prophet mohamed (PBUH) and sent someone to sent someone to bring his attention to her.

i have seen the other approach work occasionally by the way.. when the girl goes up to a guy and tells him ... esp. if they already know each other well.
Sarah said...: Well Moon, I would agree with Safyia nothing in life comes to you while you sit in your behind doing nothing. I guess if you want something bad enough you would have to go for it.
If your guy saw your move as out of line then trust me you would not want someone THAT superficial in your life...
MoonLightShadow said...: Well, seems most of you girls see that there is no problem in me going for it first.

However, I'd agree to what Doshar said, I think that guys might not take it easy.

Personally I'm not the kind of a person who would go for it. May be because I think that it's inappropriate, or I think it might be a wrong way, for I think it won't be easily accepted. I can't go for the first step, not even for sending signals and signs. Not because I’m not convinced, but because I’m doubting if others are convinced.

I might agree with you Sarah, that if he saw it out of line then we might be having different methodologies of thinking and different way of looking at things. But still, he couldn’t not be blamed, when a certain concept is dominant, and it’s the culture spread, it’s not easily accepted to oppose it or at least argue it.

Don’t know exactly what is it that I want to reach. I’m against that dominant rule, though I’m not courage enough to stand against it and bear the consequences.
MoonLightShadow said...: Ahh.. forgort something else.. what if there were no mutual feelings?!! Definitely, it won't be feeling nice.
gmr14 said...: you are right.. that's great to think about..

it's a time for us to relax -as men-
gmr14 said... by the way!! i think it's men's role not girls..

Nora said...: Moon,
But how will u ever find out if the feelings are mutual or not if you keep wondering without taking any action. I think I agree with Doshar....sending out signals is almost like taking the first step but without actually doing so. Some guys are actually more nervous than you think about taking the first step....so if he's anxious, and you're anxious....what happens next!! But by encouraging him by dropping subtle hints, he may feel more confident to approach you.
On the other hand, some girls may be confident enough to take the first step, and accept the outcome, whatever it is. I guess it just depends on what you're comfortable doing.
hamesha said...: It also, I think, depends on the cultural context... in my country Afghanistan, for instance, that sort of thing would have to wait for a long time to come, and though I don't think that is a good thing, I think until people develope a more open attitude towards such revolutionary changes, it would have to wait for the good of everyone...
safrang.blogspot.com
Alina said...: Moon, it was actually me who first told K we should meet in person...Well, I use the movie exchange we've been planning as a pretext but it worked just fine and it turned out to be he most amazing love story of my life! So forget about this rule, be it real or not!
Sarah said...: Way to go Alina :)
Safiya said...: I hate this "fear of being seen as a slut" thing. If a guy views women in that way, then it's his problem not ours.

May I also say: Way to go Alina!
Poi said...: It's a girls' world, we just let the boys live in it! So how then do they get to have all the-our-first steps??
Aladdin said...: This reminds me of the 'Just Do it' movement in the USA.

Well, there are as many parameters in this issue than one can imagine! Each relationship is a whole entity, as it were, and I daresay there's no 'rule' for it!
Maxxed`ouT said...: Don't hit on us .
We won't desire you all the same .
We , the testosterone people , are pretty full of it .
We'll tell it's ok if you do it but we secretly think it's not .
In the right moment we'll throw back in your face .
We
have
isuues . We are not very cool people .
Hany Samir said...: hey :-).. well, its not like u cant tell him that u like him, but, I belive that a girl is more precious than just saying it, even to the 1 she love. dont start, u r so high. This guy, any guy.. just wish for a look in ur eye, a smile, thats how u r, what u r, thats how any girl is.. be proud of urself, they 'll come crawling 4 u.
The Philosophical Strangler said...: ok boys and girls, just have one thing to say to all of you, it all comes down to Self Image, if He/She has issues, well the question always arises, is that the kind of person you really want to hang around?
some issues are just untreatable by anyone from the outside, and self image is one of those issues.
you cant be a part of any kind of relationship, if you need someone to do things you want for you, i wanna talk to a girl ill talk to a girl, if a girls talks to me well she talks to me, and to hell with any immature thoughts about what is proper and what is not, as long as you keep common decency and courtsy, the only proper thing is that people interact and speak thier minds.
so ya by all means,boys and girls take the first step, or you will always regret not takeing it.
ps : thats one major resons for issues.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

2006-05-29T04:14:00.000-07:00

If I had a choice,
I'd always choose love.
Up or down, good or bad, I don't mind
Just as long as it's real
Finest Dreams -Richard X featuring Kelis

Here is my question. How do you know it's real love? Without sounding too Whitney Houston, how can you tell if it's infatuation or something more lasting, the kind of love where you're sitting in the sun together in your eighties.

Is it love that is the key ingredient to a lasting relationship, or it is something more than that?

posted by Safiya

Comments:

Maxxed`ouT said...: Defenitly not love
more of a sense of security and safety
a sense of a partnership and joined fates
an established feeling of undisputed trust
a sense of longing and needing
then last but not least
a tad of passion and a lotta lust .
I believe in love i just don't acknowledge its super human magical hollywoodian powers .
I'm an atheist in the shrine of love if you will ...
Rain said...: hey safiya,

I think what makes any marriage or a relationship successful is the sense of commitment , which will happen naturally if there's love .

Love needs time to grow , and needs care from both sides.

as for u question... how do u know it's real love..well u just know :).
Alina said...: I agree with Rain, love is the main ingredient, noursihed carefully and spiced up with other little traits that make it all so perfect! Commitment, trust, passion, these all highlight the feeling of love. And at a certain point, you know it's that one relationship that you hope to make forever!
Maxxed`ouT said...: The crowd here is all pro-love
thats 3 to 1
i need back-up !
LouLou said...: Safiya,

To me love is when you've seen your partner at their worst & they've seen you at your worst & you still want to be together. It's when you feel totally accepted, chosen, connected, when you stop pretending, trying to impress.

That's the basis. Of course that can't mean you take each other for granted. You still have to work to maintain the passion & the excitement, the laughter. But the thing is with the right person that won't feel like work.

To me all of that together is love. If you have the connection but you neglect it, boredom will creep in & with boredom distance & the connection will be broken. I see so many couples like that. With only force of habit keeping them together. It's so sad. Especially when you know they were in love once.

And if you have the excitement & passion but not the connection then excitement can't last very long. That has the making of a wild fling but not something lasting.

So it's got to be both.

Just my two cents.:)
DCS said...: If a solid friendship and unconditional love are your foundation, I think your relationship stands a good chance of surviving for the long haul. I also think Rain and Alina offer a lot of wisdom.

You don't want to sound "too Whitney Houston"? You can't go wrong with this duet by Luther Vandross and Gregory Hines. It's a gem.
Safiya said...: Can love ever be unconditional though? I think there are always conditions.
MoonLightShadow said...: I don't think there is that unconditional love.. There are always conditions and requirments.

LouLou said...: Safiya,

What is unconditional love? If someone loves you for being a good-listener then their love is conditional on your continuing to be a good listener. Which should not be a problem for you if being a good listener is part of who you are anyway.

Unconditional love is like a mother's love. She loves you because she gave birth to you. It doesn't matter what you are or who you are, she still loves you for existing.

That's not what we look for in our partners. We want our partners to have conditions because only then will they recognize & value our good qualities. And we also want our partners to need us, to need things from us. Feeling needed is a big part of feeling loved.

Would you want a partner who doesn't want or need anything from you, who makes no demands whatsoever & to whom none of your good qualities make any difference?
Sarah said...: Maxxed out:
I got your back here ;)
Sand-E Sez said...: The older I get the more and more I’ve come to believe that love is this thing we chase because it is the ultimate high. It feeds our ego. It is our self validation. And maybe the key to any relationship is the inability of both sides to loose faith in “being in love”. The key maybe is the continuous attempt to sustain that high. Realistically speaking, I think it boils down to both parties being invested, not having a back door/ quick escape. I suppose it also has to do with tolerance levels and how comfortable you make people around u feel. Any two can be in a functional relationship but without the emotion there is no zing or zest and then you’re left with 2 people going through the motions.

The most dangerous type

2006-05-29T04:13:00.000-07:00

A while back, I had gone on this little hike (if we can call it that, we were mostly in our cars!) to wady degla with a friend. We were going among a big group of well over 100 people to have some sort of barbecue there. most of them were people my friend R knows, she used to go to these things all the time with them, for me, most of them I had never met before. when we got there, we all kind of started to mingle, and this guy, more or less sat with us all the time, it was the first time i meet him, yet he kept on asking me all type of questions about myself, for me.. it seemed like a not very successful attempt of flirting with me or hitting on me or something. Anyways, I was not interested in the least, but was really surprised with his attitude.
talking to my friend a little later, she went like: yeah him, he is married! newly wed actually. only 5 months ago!

of course he was not wearing a ring, and did not bring his wife. But it made me really surprised, why are you hitting on girls when you are married?
she told me that this is his regular attitude with girls. he likes to flirt and show inerest, wether he means it or not. She told me she had thought he had a major crush on her because of the way he always treated her, and was shocked to hear one day that it was his katb ketab (wedding ceremony).

"Thank God I did not like him, if his methods had worked, I probably would have been really hurt."

He suddenly reminded me of a heart breaking missle launcher, just without ammo. He aimed, and shot his missles, but thank God, his missles were blank, because he had no charm really.

I was thinking, what he is doing is wrong, but thank God, he is not that dangerous.

there are two other types though:

one type has a missle launcher that is laoded and has considerable power, but they are obvious... they are noisy launchers.. and you get chance to take cover. these are guys who are obvious heartbreaker playboy types. the ones that put you on gaurd... you know this guy can be dangerous. yet those are still easier to handle than the final type.

the last type, the most dangerous type, are the ones who have the silencer on. you never see it coming.

they appear genuinely like the nicest people you can meet. People with ehtics, decent, that would not break your heart. yet, they can be the worst... they are just wolves in sheep skin. you meet them, trust them, and let down your gaurd. Then boom, the missle can strike home, and you are shocked really. The thing is... they say... if it talks like a duck, walks like a duck... it probably is a duck.... yet here it walks like a duck... talks like a duck.... yet hunts like a hawk. very difficult to spot those except if you know some of their history. that is why... when I meet nice guys now... I still keep my gaurd up... sorry... you are not innocent till proven guilty. yet you are not guilty either till proven innocent. you are undecided.
posted by doshar

Comments:

Safiya said...: I feel sorry for the wife of that man.

I have one particular type of guy I don't like: the sort who plays games. To use an advertising slogan : Tricks are for kids!.
Maxxed`ouT said... i wonder where the honest true ones fit in ur lil' calssification there
doshar said...: yeah safiya, i felt sorry for her too.

maxxed out, the honest true ones do not fit in this classification at all, because this is not a classification of guys in general, just the heart break missle launchers, those are the ones i was classifying.

i know there are some nice guys out there, i am not that pessimistic, it is just sometimes hard to pick them out.

A Girl's Best Friend?

2006-05-29T04:11:00.000-07:00

A girl's best friend is not a diamond. It's a guy. And I don't mean the guy who buys her the diamond - although he's not so bad for sure. I mean guys very often make better friends than girls.

This is by no means the first time I find myself thinking this. Or hearing it from another girlfriend. Or reading it in some chicklit book. Girls say this all the time. That guys value friendship more than girls. That a guy will not easily sell his friends out for a girl while a girl would quite often give up her friends or sell them out for the man in her life. That girls get jealous of each other, gossip about each other etc....

Yesterday a group of girls I know came over to see me. We're talking about 12 girls or so here. Lots of different nationalities - about the same age as me give or take a couple of years. And what do we all have in common? We were neighbors for about 10 years. That was when we were little of course. After that we kept in touch. Maybe not as often as we might have but still, you could say we're all pretty old friends.

During the course of said visit - I notice that everyone present was being exceptionally catty to one girl - let's call her Amal. In that cloyingly sweet manner that girls have. Pointed, poisonous barbs delivered with smiles & sentences ending with 'honey' & 'sweetie'. But she was being bullied beyond all my attempts to keep the situation under control, change the subject, steer the conversation away from her etc...I really felt I should put a stop to it because the girl was after all in my house but something was clearly very wrong. You could almost touch the bitterness in the air.

Amal eventually left. And I let the rest of them have a piece of my mind. I was so angry. They kept telling me to cool down, that I have to listen to their side of the story etc.....In time though I did. And I said ok I'm listening.

The story mainly belongs to another girl in the group - let's call this one Mona. So Mona is in love with this guy Khalid that she had been dating for 5 years but they couldn't get married because his family disapproved of her for not being conservative enough etc.....Amal was Mona's best friend at the time. Mona set Amal up with Khalid's brother. Amal is apparently conservative enough for the family & so she & the brother are married now.

So what's the problem? Mona has recently come to find out that Amal never took her side in family discussions, that she always told stories aimed at turning her husband's parents against Mona. Infact Amal & her husband are now the biggest opposition within the family to Mona's marriage to Khalid.

Then there were other stories - stories about how jealous Amal always was of Mona, how she caused her problems at work, how she always talked about her & most of all, how she did all that behind Mona's back while seeing Mona practically everyday & pretending to be her best friend in the world.

It's not the details of the story that interest me. It's this undercurrent of jealousy & ill-will. The assumption they all seemed to have that because Mona comes from a somewhat richer family than Amal's the two of them must be rivals. Or that Amal would try to make herself look even more conservative to her in-laws by pretending to disapprove of her friend. And then the way Mona doesn't confront Amal with what she found out, that instead she would keep up the pretence of friendship while turning everyone else in the group against Amal so that they all still hang out together while secretly hating each other.

In the course of the conversation, other ideas came to the surface, everyone seemed to be blaming Mona for even letting Amal know that she has a bf, let alone allowing her to meet his family & marry his bro. They were all saying that a girl should never trust her gf's around her man. And lots of stories about cases where they were all bitten by gf's stealing their bf's or trying to hit on their husbands or fiances etc.....& how they all learnt their lesson now etc...

I was just staring, wondering if they all realized that effectively they were saying they don't trust each other around men. And if this a normal confession between so-called 'friends'. And if I should really have the lot of them in my house around my husband!

Gradually as they began to leave, I started to hear negative things about each girl as soon as she left from the ones who were left behind. In the end they all looked so petty & small to me that I didn't know any longer who is the villain of the piece & who to feel sorry for.

I found their visit very disturbing. They all heard about my wedding pretty late & have been trying to organize this visit for a while to offer me belated congrats & give me a wedding present. I was touched & flattered when they came in but by the time they left I was wishing I could tell them to take their present away & never come back because I never want to see any of them again. I told them I can't help wondering what you will all say about me when my back is turned.I meant it but they chose to take it as a joke. Or pretended to anyway.

The thing is, this is not the first group of girlfriends I've seen disintegrate over the same sort of thing. This is at least the 3rd time I've seen it happen. And I've never been in or witnessed the same sort of situation with guys.

Of course male friends have other problems. If he is not someone you grew up with or a family friend or something then in the beginning he will almost always try to get you to sleep with him. They just have to try their luck there. When that fails there's a really nasty type of guy who will try to use you to show off to his friends that he know girls & make everyone think he is sleeping with you. But most guys I've met were of the type who won't do that, will get over the fact that you are not going to be his next one night stand & make a pretty decent friend.

All in all I find that with guys you need to be careful at first just until you've trained them to recognize your boundaries but you can pretty much relax later. The friendship settles into a pattern & they don't do anything too unpredictable.

With girls it's like it's the other way around, the closer they get to you, the more they know about you, the more you need to be careful because they can always surprise you. Sometimes in pleasant ways. And sometimes not.

posted by LouLou

Selecting A Spouse

2006-05-29T04:10:00.000-07:00

A friend of my husband let's call him T is looking for a spouse and he's been doing that since a very long time , with no luck , whenever he tries to arrange it officially , something happens and things go wrong and the story ends.

Once there was this girl let's call her M who was with him at college but she was younger , and he liked her and wanted to marry her , so he told my husband's sister (she's a colleague to M) to ask her about her opinion ,M didn’t show interest in marriage and said she doesn’t think about it now.

So he let go of this whole story and started the journey of searching for another spouse.

One day he saw M at a marriage ceremony and he thought that could be a good sign and maybe they're meant to be , so he asked my husband's sister to ask her again.

A month later she reached M, she couldn’t reach her before that because they're all busy in college projects and midterm exams , and for surprise M agreed.
So she told my husband to tell T about it but he said he's involved in another story !!!

The "new" story has a problem , he wanted to marry a girl let's call her S, who had an operation and it had side effects that she can't had kids , but there's a probability of 50% , and it's not in a natural way and it needs operation too, of course he didn’t know about that until he proposed.

Now he doesn't want to continue in S story because of her problem , but at the same time he feels guilty to leave her after he knew , and if he didn’t leave her , then he'll lose the opportunity of marrying M after she agreed.

To tell you the truth , I'm really pissed of !!! my heart aches for S , so now no one will want to marry her because of this problem?? What if T was the one having a problem if he married someone? How will he guarantee he'll have kids?? I know its his right to have kids but the whole thing just upsets me from a humane point of view.
So what happens next?? If someone wants to get married he should make her go through tests to make sure she'll be able to have children in the future ?
This is really making me angry , men want to make a full interrogation and investigations about the woman they want to marry and they have to be perfect in everything!! Otherwise they aren't good enough for the honor they'll have of marrying them!!
Marriage is all about taking your spouse for better and for worse..

T liked S , that's why he wanted to marry her , it wasn't an arranged marriage so that he'd act this way of examining the girl ! apparently that wasn't a good reason for him to continue in the marriage procedures.
posted by Rain

If you are going to get rapped, you might as well enjoy it

2006-05-29T04:09:00.000-07:00

Okay I heard this quote and to tell you the truth I was shocked at first.. Was like WTF??? I was informed that this was the translation of a Russian quote.. I was of course repulsed at first.. How this can be?? But once the first repulsiveness is gone you will find that it completely make sense.

This is not strictly about being sexually attached it is about any situation you find yourself forced into. You are in it and there is nothing you can do about it. You will survive through it and that is that. So when you find yourself there the smart way to think is to find a silver lining in the entire thing. Something that will benefit you from it and hence I believe the quote “What does not kill you makes you stronger” came, same attitude.

The quote is repulsive cause it takes rape which is against the most simple right a human being have which is the right to say “NO” when someone think that people sometimes are deprived from that it shocks the hell out of them and leave the person in the incident feeling venerable, weak, and disgusted from the fact that they were deprived from their basic right.

However, what if we adapted this attitude in our lives I think it will make a difference, don’t you think??

posted by Sarah

Comments:

Alina said...: Put like this: take the worst situation and make something good of it, it might make sense.

Yet this particulary choice, rape, does not allow you to get to this conclusion. Simply because there is no way of enjoying it and it's something that messes your life permanently (it takes tens of years for victims to get partially over it). But indeed, one should try to make the best of it, something like thanking God you were not killed afterwards.
Sarah said...: Alina:
Yeah you are right but I guess they chose this choice cause of how horrific it sounds which is the worse of all.

by the way It is nice to be here again..
Alina said...: Yup, nice to see you to! Made you admin again, in case you have not noticed :)The command is yours! :D

Welcome Back to the Girls' Club

2006-05-29T00:48:00.000-07:00

We have all enjoyed the Girls Outloud club and we are all thanking Sarah for creating it. Well, as you all know, Sarah has some issues with someone that keeps hacking into her blog. Well, that troubled person has deleted our collaborative blog...

So this is an attempt to replace it! Let's hope sarah gets back here soon! You all know my email address from Words of a Broken Mirror. Drop me a line and I will send you invitation to this new place.

Sarah, we are all by your side! Don't give up and keep being strong!

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