Monday, May 29, 2006

The first step

I’ve always wondered, why are we accustomed that it’s always guys who should take the first step?! Why is it improper for us (as girls) to start and take that step first?!

Is it part of a girl’s pride?! But I don’t think it’s logical.

posted by MoonLightShadow

Comments:
Safiya said...

I agree. I don't sit around and wait for anything else in my life, why should it be any different when it comes to romance?

Rain said...

:))
Moon, if it's a rule , then break it, u don't have to follow customs.

doshar said...

i think there is no such rule that is carved in stone.

it all depends on the situation. if there is someone you almost do not know and have a crush on someone for example... and go up and ask him out, he will be taken back a bit, might go out, might not. it is just an inbred thing in men's psychology that they are the ones to approach.. that is all.

but you can have a more subtle approach... send the signals and get closer, and sometimes allow him to ake the official move. it would feel better i think for me romantically when he tells me first. it will make me feel desired and loved.
i remeber the story of sayyeda khadiga when she wanted to marry prophet mohamed (PBUH) and sent someone to sent someone to bring his attention to her.



i have seen the other approach work occasionally by the way.. when the girl goes up to a guy and tells him ... esp. if they already know each other well.

Sarah said...

Well Moon, I would agree with Safyia nothing in life comes to you while you sit in your behind doing nothing. I guess if you want something bad enough you would have to go for it.
If your guy saw your move as out of line then trust me you would not want someone THAT superficial in your life...

MoonLightShadow said...

Well, seems most of you girls see that there is no problem in me going for it first.

However, I'd agree to what Doshar said, I think that guys might not take it easy.

Personally I'm not the kind of a person who would go for it. May be because I think that it's inappropriate, or I think it might be a wrong way, for I think it won't be easily accepted. I can't go for the first step, not even for sending signals and signs. Not because I’m not convinced, but because I’m doubting if others are convinced.

I might agree with you Sarah, that if he saw it out of line then we might be having different methodologies of thinking and different way of looking at things. But still, he couldn’t not be blamed, when a certain concept is dominant, and it’s the culture spread, it’s not easily accepted to oppose it or at least argue it.

Don’t know exactly what is it that I want to reach. I’m against that dominant rule, though I’m not courage enough to stand against it and bear the consequences.

MoonLightShadow said...

Ahh.. forgort something else.. what if there were no mutual feelings?!! Definitely, it won't be feeling nice.

gmr14 said...

you are right.. that's great to think about..

it's a time for us to relax -as men-

gmr14 said... by the way!!
i think it's men's role not girls..
Nora said...

Moon,
But how will u ever find out if the feelings are mutual or not if you keep wondering without taking any action. I think I agree with Doshar....sending out signals is almost like taking the first step but without actually doing so. Some guys are actually more nervous than you think about taking the first step....so if he's anxious, and you're anxious....what happens next!! But by encouraging him by dropping subtle hints, he may feel more confident to approach you.
On the other hand, some girls may be confident enough to take the first step, and accept the outcome, whatever it is. I guess it just depends on what you're comfortable doing.

hamesha said...

It also, I think, depends on the cultural context... in my country Afghanistan, for instance, that sort of thing would have to wait for a long time to come, and though I don't think that is a good thing, I think until people develope a more open attitude towards such revolutionary changes, it would have to wait for the good of everyone...
safrang.blogspot.com

Alina said...

Moon, it was actually me who first told K we should meet in person...Well, I use the movie exchange we've been planning as a pretext but it worked just fine and it turned out to be he most amazing love story of my life! So forget about this rule, be it real or not!

Sarah said...

Way to go Alina :)

Safiya said...

I hate this "fear of being seen as a slut" thing. If a guy views women in that way, then it's his problem not ours.

May I also say: Way to go Alina!

Poi said...

It's a girls' world, we just let the boys live in it! So how then do they get to have all the-our-first steps??

Aladdin said...

This reminds me of the 'Just Do it' movement in the USA.

Well, there are as many parameters in this issue than one can imagine! Each relationship is a whole entity, as it were, and I daresay there's no 'rule' for it!

Maxxed`ouT said...

Don't hit on us .
We won't desire you all the same .
We , the testosterone people , are pretty full of it .
We'll tell it's ok if you do it but we secretly think it's not .
In the right moment we'll throw back in your face .
We
have
isuues . We are not very cool people .

Hany Samir said...

hey :-).. well, its not like u cant tell him that u like him, but, I belive that a girl is more precious than just saying it, even to the 1 she love. dont start, u r so high. This guy, any guy.. just wish for a look in ur eye, a smile, thats how u r, what u r, thats how any girl is.. be proud of urself, they 'll come crawling 4 u.

The Philosophical Strangler said...

ok boys and girls, just have one thing to say to all of you, it all comes down to Self Image, if He/She has issues, well the question always arises, is that the kind of person you really want to hang around?
some issues are just untreatable by anyone from the outside, and self image is one of those issues.
you cant be a part of any kind of relationship, if you need someone to do things you want for you, i wanna talk to a girl ill talk to a girl, if a girls talks to me well she talks to me, and to hell with any immature thoughts about what is proper and what is not, as long as you keep common decency and courtsy, the only proper thing is that people interact and speak thier minds.
so ya by all means,boys and girls take the first step, or you will always regret not takeing it.
ps : thats one major resons for issues.

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