Is it so?

Comic from here.

Work, work, work

There are people who live in order to work and others, a happier bunch in my opinion, who choose to work in order to be able to live. I see people who have a successful career, manager position and start working at 9 am, end the day at 3 am.
Maybe you think the weekends are the days when the respective persons have a break. Wrong. They work also in the weekends. Therefore, they own a nice house, nice car, top brand notebook, smart phone and best clothes money can buy. They live with their mother and dog. Correct, no spouse, children in the picture, even if 35-40 years have passed since these people saw the daylight the first time.

I wonder if happiness can be achieved in such a way or at least if I am protected from such an empty life. I could never be contempt with such a lifestyle, I would feel very alone, I wouldn't find any reason to work and to live for.

What do you think? Which is the way to live a normal life with sufficient funds and joy?

Tags: Lifestyle, Career

Aerobics Can Actually be Fun

Why do women go to aerobics? Because they don’t know the routine, to socialize, to do something nice with their friends, to loose weight, to get in shape? All these may seem like reason, but the actual sport, socializing and everything else could be done in different places, with different people.

But the truth is women going there need the discipline of it. The instructor counting, pushing, showing the new moves…Even if you learn the routine, you then go home and find excuses to postpone the exercising you had planned. Which you cannot really do in a gym! Because there are eyes who see and scold you!

The gym Cris and I are going to is quite cozy. Smiling personnel, nice design of the reception, and lots of types of aerobics. You need to make a reservation, as they do not allow more then 10 people in one class. And their star instructor, as far as I care, is Dana!

Dana is quite short and thin, but when she moves, you see the shape of every muscle in her body. She is energetic and pushes you to the limits, but always does so with a special smile on her face, that of an accomplice of yours.

Her smile never leaves her face, tired or not, early or late…And she loves certain songs. And those songs are played over and over again, until she finds a new favorite. Just like I do sometimes. She always seems full of life and makes you feel full of energy in the end, proud of the fact you’ve survived her training session, and wondering about how you will manage to drag yourself home…

She makes people clap, jump, and laugh to the music. This sometimes turns the class into genuinely fun time to such an extent that you forget about the pain you feel in your abs muscles or on your thighs.

It is a bit silly that lots of people need someone to make them work out. I for one, if I had a fitness room set up at home, I will leave it to the dust and touch it maybe once a month. Because when you are tired and have a million other things to do, being pushed a little by 1. the instructor and 2. the fact you have paid for the class is quite welcomed. And if someone so contagious as Dana does it, even better!

Tags: Aerobics, Sports, Working Out, Exercising

Platinum Disc at Three

Cleopatra Stratan is what you'd call a wonder child. She just turned four yesterday, October 6th. While she was still only three years old, she was awarder a Platinum Disc by Cat Music for selling over fourty thousand copies of her first album, "La varsta de trei ani" (At the age of three).

Daughter of the equally famous Pavel Stratan, Cleopatra has a quite bright future facing her. Let's all wish her the best and many more concerts and albums to come.

Watch her latest video here.

Photo originally uploaded by Evenimentul Zilei.

Tags: Singers, Child Prodigies, Cleopatra Stratan, Pavel Stratan.

Supermom & Wonderwoman

We all need great rolemodels to follow and to learn from. Usually we look for strong, successful woman in the media, sometimes among our relatives and friends.

Well I have found one on the blogosphere. She was first promoted by Shirazi and that is how I first ended up reading her blog.

To keep it short, Naomi is a single mom, doing her best to provide for her daughter and her grandchild. She's currently employed part-time and searching for a new full time job, also doing housework for more than her family.

We should all drop by her blog, read, learn, and send us our virtual support.

Hypocrisy

I think this post is somehow an extension to Loulou's post

I know a friend A. who's a total contradict , she claims she has high principles and solid values , and she's the type who pretends to be prude , she wants to be known as the cutest and the shiest girl , which is not TRUE!
Just hypocrisy , I hate this behavior , people who aren't honest with themselves , and this of course showed very much in her relationship with her fiancé , she'd give up everything for him , her solid and high principles seems to weaken for him , only for him , and the funny thing is , she'd criticize her friends for giving up on religion and principles for their boyfriends or fiancés , I mean what the HELL??? I really don't understand this behavior , and I really hate it .. cant' take this hypocrisy to one's self , and it really gets on my nerves!

How can I respect her or listen to her viewpoints when I know she's only a big mouth??
Her behavior is none of my business really , I can never talk to her about it , but what I hate is knowing that a person in front of me lying just to keep a fake holy image!
If she'd only shut up the holy non-sense and stop the act!!!

I don't know ... is it the case with girls just for guys ?? does love make u a weak disgusting creature?? of course not, it's just girl's stupidity!
I don't think there're exceptions to principles , a principle is a principle .PERIOD

Happy Birthday

Today is the 61st birthday of a truly inspirational woman: Aung San Suu Kyi, considered by many to be the rightful leader of Burma.

She has been under house arrest for over 10 years, isolated from her loved ones.

Despite all her suffering, she remains committed to achieving justice for the citizens of Burma and a fervent critic of the country's totalitarian regime.

Here is an extract from one her most famous speeches:

It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it.

Let the dictators and bullies know that goodness can never be extinguished, not in houses, prisons or graves.

I dearly wish she lives to realise her dream, for her and for her people.

One major disadvantage of having crushes!!

It becomes difficult to trust your heart!!

Video Romance in black and white

Relationships in music videos/video clips tend to be shown in a very glamourous manner. Even if the heroine is broken hearted and crying, her make up stays immaculate.

So I found this video very interesting. It's extremely low budget but for me it's realism was more affecting then a thousand single tears sliding slowly down an over made-up cheek.

Remains of the old club

As you can see, our friend Ahmed helped me recover some of the posts we have lost. We should keep searching on Google to see if we can find some more of our posts.

In the mean time, new posts would not be such a bad thing either, would they! :) I'm waiting for your posts, comments and invitation requests.

Keep safe and keep strong!

Quote from the shadow dancer

Women...that's where God outdid Himself...Of all the things He created, what could be more perfect than women?

posted by Alina

Comments:

Safiya said...

That reminds me of the old joke:

Q The perfect man. the perfect woman and Santa Claus are in a lift when they see some money on the floor. Who picks it up?

A The Perfect woman. The other two don't exist.

Reasons to be Cheerful: A Week off Work

This week off feels so well-earned too. After a few weeks working hours that are politely described as "unsociable", to have a whole seven days to myself feels like such a treat. However, having spent two weeks stuck in the work/sleep cycle means that I have a few things to do first. Like rectify the fact the house looks like it's been taking over by a heap-making monster who has left piles of washing, paperwork and general clutter in its wake. Also normalise the realtionship with my cats so they will sit on my lap sometimes instead of just sitting on me all the time in a "Don't leave us!" fashion.

Then it's catching up with all the people I haven't had time to see and going to all the appointments for stuff that I haven't had time to sort out in work (including the dentist, what joy!). Meanwhile having to adjust my bodyclock back so I don't spend the whole week wearing pyjamas and watching bad tv because the only time I'm awake is when everyone else is asleep. Plus there's all the reading I want to catch up with. Suddenly seven days doesn't seem like such a long time. I'll have to make time to read that time management book I haven't had chance to read yet.....

I probably should have done the introduction bit at the start, anyway thank you for letting me join your blog, I'm Safiya and this is my first post. I hope you all like it or at least find it passes the time before lunch/while you're waiting for your coffee to cool down so you can drink it/when your boss is around and you have to look busy or what ever else.
posted by Safiya

Comments:

Alina said...

Welcome, Safyia! I had the same problem with my week of a while ago! At first, it seemed such a long time, then it turned into an I-don't-know-what-to-do-first period!

doshar said...

hello safiya! time management book!! i have about 2!! and have not been able to manage the time to read them. you think when we read them things will get better?

Safiya said...

We can only hope Doshar ;)

Minor details

I love the beauty salon, generally speaking. I love the pampering feeling of doing things for your self, to look better and mainly to feel better. With one exception: going home after a facial!

I am sure you know it! Your face looks like a red monkey’s ass…Yes it will look perfect the next morning and your know is glowing due to such cleanliness, and if the lights went off it would probably shine as bright as a light bulb, but still…You have to face all those people staring at you and wondering “poor thing, what in the world happened to her face?”…

The salon is only five minutes away from our place, you get there in no time, but the way back seems so impossibly long…And of course on this abnormal day, 20 degrees plus in February that announce no good, well on this day all the world is out having a walk! All of them pass by me, looking at me and wondering. I look the other side and continue my long, painful journey home…

I finally get there just to realize it is already 6 something PM and he is about to come home… To see me looking like this! OMG!

Speaking of men seeing you in such circumstances, I have another point to make…We see lots of pictures about deserted islands with people who are lost there…Isn’t it amazing how they all have toothbrushes and look so clean after washing their clothes with just some water? Why does their hair (I mostly mean women here) grow all over their body? Why don’t they ever face such issues? Because it is not pretty, it is not attractive, it is not something to keep you watching tv?

Well, I think it makes the show real, human and all that! Just like it happened to Desperate Housewives when one of the characters was shaving her legs in the Jacuzzi. These are “minor” problems women sometimes obsess about: the beach weekend has to be planned around the waxing appointment, so does the summer vacation! It is also very important to help you decide what to wear on different occasions…

Some think we do these stuffs, facials, waxing, dying our hair, mostly to be more attractive/appealing to men. I think it is not this! Unless we had invented them, men could not care less! It is our own strive for perfection in every aspect! We are the ones having a hard time dealing with our own hairy parts (and a great part of us think the same think about men – if you are wondering, no we do no thing is gay if you extend your shaving in the area under your arm, you know it, yes, exactly, there!) and we make up more and more things to do to preserve our youthful state. Such are girls and later on, such are women!

posted by Alina

Comments:

Sarah:
Well Alina, I know exactly what you are talking about my greatest feeling ever is after I get a facial or when I am leaving my beauty saloon knowing that I am cleaner and softer than I was. Talking about perfection I am that. I am not doing it to please anyone but myself. I mean I am veiled and yet waxing is inevitable for ME's sake, which is more important than anything.
I like the feeling.. I am going to do it in a couple of days cannot wait..
:0)

Safiya said...

I think as women we do so much to ouselves and we all live in fear of returning to our natural state, I'd have visions of myself walking round with a handle-bar moustache and two caterpillars for eyebrows.

As for t.v programmes when they're on desert islands, what I want to know is, what do they do about sanitary products? Was the plane also carrying a cargo of Always or something? If that were me, it would be a major trauma situation especially with no painkillers!

Anyway my skin has been looking dreadful of late, so I think I need a facial (Confession: I've never had one before).

See, this is why a girls' only blog is good, you can discuss the important issues ;)

Sarah said...

Safiya: Facials are an absloute must, it will make you feel super about yourselfbut caution once you started you would know what you have been missing and you WONT BE ABLE TO STOP..
However it is a bliss..
girl's blog or not.. just speak your heart out and ignore the rest of the crowd..

Oh by the way.. would you like to be part of the club ??

Alina said...

Sarah, very true! I love pleasing myself first of all!

Safiya, I am not afraid of my natural state, I just hate it sometimes. Certain hairs on my body might be natural but I still have a personal war against them...And if you think what a natural state is for kids, it is pretty much hairless..

The Always issue, that I congratulate you on! Forgot about it! I think they forget about it! Although, I remember this was a pretty big deal in Blue Lagune, as a means to scare an unknowing girl, but they stopped at that and didn't show her solution! Maybe she just stayed in the water the whole time! :D

Safiya said...

Sarah: Thank you very much, Invitation accepted (if that's ok with the other ladies).
Is there some sort of initiation process? ;)

Alina said...

Of course there is: you must drink the juice of two lizard tails! :))

Sarah said...

Alina:
Do not forget that the lizards MUST BE SINGLE for the rituals to be complete :0)

Safiya: Will send you an invitation dear as soon as I can…

Welcome on board..
Cheers.

Sarah said...

Oh Darn
Safyia:
I need your email address to send you an invitation..

If you do not want to post it here send it to me on

abc@gmail.com

pamela said...

i just got a pedicure today and it was wonderfully relaxing. nothing more important than pampering ourselves. :)

What's for dinner?

I was sitting at work today with a couple of male colleagues. one of them M, has been married for about a year to an ex-colleague of ours. The other (W), starting to chit chat the time away

W: So, M, how are things...is H your wife a good cook? does she cook nice stuff for you?

M: Yeah she is great. She knows how to cook really well. some girls really have no idea how to fry an egg. But she is really good. her mother taught her well. even though she really does not like to cook, but she does it, because she knows it is her duty.
The only problem she faces is the time. She comes home from work really late and is always in a hurry to prepare the food quickly. and she is always stuck for time.

Now here my thought is: is this how men evaluate their wives? how well do they cook? anyway here is the rest of it:

W: oh yeah that problem. i guess she has to cook everything on the weekends, and heat up the stuff every day.

M: yeah, she does that, but she still is stuck for time heating it up.

Now I spoke up::

Hey M, don't you finish work here at 2? so you are home before she gets home for at least a couple of hours. why don't you start up some stuff? and help her out?

M: Nah, I do not like cooking and stuff

ME: yeah but you can help. ( I mean she does not like it either, but she does it. btw, did i mention she is 6 months pregnant?)

W: why don't you at least make some rice or spaghetti? it is really easy.

M: no... i do not like trying things like that out.

Me: (already impatient): hey you can help her heat up at least!! It is not fair. Her work load is much more than you this way. no matter how giving someone is, if they are being treated unfairly... they will feel bad. if she does not mind this, at least show her appreciation.

M: Flustered: yeah of course i do. you are absolutely right. of course i try to help as much as i can. and i appreciate her of course.

ME: that is good.

M: i am guessing you are not really into cooking and house work and stuff. you don't seem like the type to be a house wife.
Me: now why do you say that? I love to cook!

Now this has been said to me quite often. even though anyone who knows me well, knows that I actually enjoy cooking. and with people I love... I sacrafice alot my own rest to make them happy. to the extent that my sister occasionally worries that they would abuse it. ( actually some did). but I do it with love, if it makes my loved ones happy. As long as it is not taken for granted that is all.

Being able and willing to do or give more than your share can co-exist with knowing what you diserve, your rights and your duties. prevents future trouble, believe me.
posted by doshar

Comments:

Safiya said...

Yes, any men who a reading this:
possession of XX chromosomes does not equal undying love for all household chores!

Likewise, having a Y chromosomes does not entail an inability to do the afformentioned tasks.

What century are we in again?

Alina said...

Safyia, you are absolutely right!

I hate cooking and I am not that good at it...I try it once or twice a week lately and most of the times it turns out bad! But K does the same, try to make some stuff, and we try to help eachother when the other one is cooking.

Unless people have a passion for it, no one loves house work, especially after a long day of work! But still, we all have to do it!

And Doshar, she is also pregnant? OMG, he is an ass, no offence! She could at least have a quiet week with him heating up what she cooks!

doshar said...

hi safiya, actually, i once used that exact same argument with someone. he was telling me that they can share, but if he they are equal, then she would be more disposed to cooking. and i asked: why? is it in her genes that she can and you can not?

anyway... that made him retreat. a fair argument is always a powerful one.

alina... actually what surprised me was that i have known the guy for years... and he actually is not an ass at all. he is actually one of the nice guys. i think the situation here, is that he is lazy... and she took it upon herself that it is her duty whatever what... and he is taking advantage of that and lying back.

actually alot of women behave this way... submissively agreeing and taking more than share of work... and feeling that they are content with this. i heard a woman once saying: it is normal that the woman is the one who has to tolerate more. and i was like why??/


i guess they think that if they cause no trouble or ask for their rights.. then they are good wives. don't know.

Nora said...

I think a lot of men in our culture perceive housework and cooking as the woman's duty, regardless of whether she works or not. They think that since it's her choice to work, then it's her problem how to balance between work and housework; why should they help!! I guess what needs to be done is first to change that perception. Cooking and housework should also be a choice, not a duty. Even if you are a housewife, with nothing else to do, then you should choose how to spend your time. But again, a good wife is expected to keep her house clean, her husband and kids well-fed, and also find time for herself!! It's a tough equation....and I don't think that a lot of men understand or appreciate that.
My hat off to all working/nonworking women/wives/mothers.

doshar said...

motasim, really, why would you not cook? and why are you so flabberghasted by the idea? as if it is asking to do something that is beneath men. that men are somehow too good to cook?

if it is a demeaning thing, maybe women would not like to do it either?

and it is not about cooking per se... it is about sharing the load in a marriage.

Safiya said...

Most of the world famous chefs are men, which proves not only that men are capable of cooking, but can do so to a very high standard and achieve a gret deal of satisfaction from it.

However, Doshar is right. This debate isn't about who cooks dinner, but the inability of some men to work as a partnership (which is Sunnah).

doshar said...

motasim:

no offense taken of course. i do not think anyone would be offended by what comes to your head when you pass by this blog. it is your business only what is in your head.


and your friend who complains from his wife doing nothing for him, only for herself. maybe he drove her to be like that by never doing anything for her.

aLso, the cave example, not only did the hunting be replaced by sitting in front of a monitor, but the women go out hunting with the men alot too. they both work now.


it is a give and take situation. you give , you also expect to take. fair enough?

and for the breast feeding thing, don't know if you know this, but in Islam, if a woman does not want to breast feed and wants to hire someone to nurse her kids, and her husband can afford that, he should.

Shirazi said...

Nice post and discussion here.

The first step

I’ve always wondered, why are we accustomed that it’s always guys who should take the first step?! Why is it improper for us (as girls) to start and take that step first?!

Is it part of a girl’s pride?! But I don’t think it’s logical.

posted by MoonLightShadow

Comments:

Safiya said...

I agree. I don't sit around and wait for anything else in my life, why should it be any different when it comes to romance?

Rain said...

:))
Moon, if it's a rule , then break it, u don't have to follow customs.

doshar said...

i think there is no such rule that is carved in stone.

it all depends on the situation. if there is someone you almost do not know and have a crush on someone for example... and go up and ask him out, he will be taken back a bit, might go out, might not. it is just an inbred thing in men's psychology that they are the ones to approach.. that is all.

but you can have a more subtle approach... send the signals and get closer, and sometimes allow him to ake the official move. it would feel better i think for me romantically when he tells me first. it will make me feel desired and loved.
i remeber the story of sayyeda khadiga when she wanted to marry prophet mohamed (PBUH) and sent someone to sent someone to bring his attention to her.



i have seen the other approach work occasionally by the way.. when the girl goes up to a guy and tells him ... esp. if they already know each other well.

Sarah said...

Well Moon, I would agree with Safyia nothing in life comes to you while you sit in your behind doing nothing. I guess if you want something bad enough you would have to go for it.
If your guy saw your move as out of line then trust me you would not want someone THAT superficial in your life...

MoonLightShadow said...

Well, seems most of you girls see that there is no problem in me going for it first.

However, I'd agree to what Doshar said, I think that guys might not take it easy.

Personally I'm not the kind of a person who would go for it. May be because I think that it's inappropriate, or I think it might be a wrong way, for I think it won't be easily accepted. I can't go for the first step, not even for sending signals and signs. Not because I’m not convinced, but because I’m doubting if others are convinced.

I might agree with you Sarah, that if he saw it out of line then we might be having different methodologies of thinking and different way of looking at things. But still, he couldn’t not be blamed, when a certain concept is dominant, and it’s the culture spread, it’s not easily accepted to oppose it or at least argue it.

Don’t know exactly what is it that I want to reach. I’m against that dominant rule, though I’m not courage enough to stand against it and bear the consequences.

MoonLightShadow said...

Ahh.. forgort something else.. what if there were no mutual feelings?!! Definitely, it won't be feeling nice.

gmr14 said...

you are right.. that's great to think about..

it's a time for us to relax -as men-

gmr14 said... by the way!!
i think it's men's role not girls..

Nora said...

Moon,
But how will u ever find out if the feelings are mutual or not if you keep wondering without taking any action. I think I agree with Doshar....sending out signals is almost like taking the first step but without actually doing so. Some guys are actually more nervous than you think about taking the first step....so if he's anxious, and you're anxious....what happens next!! But by encouraging him by dropping subtle hints, he may feel more confident to approach you.
On the other hand, some girls may be confident enough to take the first step, and accept the outcome, whatever it is. I guess it just depends on what you're comfortable doing.

hamesha said...

It also, I think, depends on the cultural context... in my country Afghanistan, for instance, that sort of thing would have to wait for a long time to come, and though I don't think that is a good thing, I think until people develope a more open attitude towards such revolutionary changes, it would have to wait for the good of everyone...
safrang.blogspot.com

Alina said...

Moon, it was actually me who first told K we should meet in person...Well, I use the movie exchange we've been planning as a pretext but it worked just fine and it turned out to be he most amazing love story of my life! So forget about this rule, be it real or not!

Sarah said...

Way to go Alina :)

Safiya said...

I hate this "fear of being seen as a slut" thing. If a guy views women in that way, then it's his problem not ours.

May I also say: Way to go Alina!

Poi said...

It's a girls' world, we just let the boys live in it! So how then do they get to have all the-our-first steps??

Aladdin said...

This reminds me of the 'Just Do it' movement in the USA.

Well, there are as many parameters in this issue than one can imagine! Each relationship is a whole entity, as it were, and I daresay there's no 'rule' for it!

Maxxed`ouT said...

Don't hit on us .
We won't desire you all the same .
We , the testosterone people , are pretty full of it .
We'll tell it's ok if you do it but we secretly think it's not .
In the right moment we'll throw back in your face .
We
have
isuues . We are not very cool people .

Hany Samir said...

hey :-).. well, its not like u cant tell him that u like him, but, I belive that a girl is more precious than just saying it, even to the 1 she love. dont start, u r so high. This guy, any guy.. just wish for a look in ur eye, a smile, thats how u r, what u r, thats how any girl is.. be proud of urself, they 'll come crawling 4 u.

The Philosophical Strangler said...

ok boys and girls, just have one thing to say to all of you, it all comes down to Self Image, if He/She has issues, well the question always arises, is that the kind of person you really want to hang around?
some issues are just untreatable by anyone from the outside, and self image is one of those issues.
you cant be a part of any kind of relationship, if you need someone to do things you want for you, i wanna talk to a girl ill talk to a girl, if a girls talks to me well she talks to me, and to hell with any immature thoughts about what is proper and what is not, as long as you keep common decency and courtsy, the only proper thing is that people interact and speak thier minds.
so ya by all means,boys and girls take the first step, or you will always regret not takeing it.
ps : thats one major resons for issues.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

If I had a choice,
I'd always choose love.
Up or down, good or bad, I don't mind
Just as long as it's real
Finest Dreams -Richard X featuring Kelis

Here is my question. How do you know it's real love? Without sounding too Whitney Houston, how can you tell if it's infatuation or something more lasting, the kind of love where you're sitting in the sun together in your eighties.

Is it love that is the key ingredient to a lasting relationship, or it is something more than that?

posted by Safiya

Comments:

Maxxed`ouT said...

Defenitly not love
more of a sense of security and safety
a sense of a partnership and joined fates
an established feeling of undisputed trust
a sense of longing and needing
then last but not least
a tad of passion and a lotta lust .
I believe in love i just don't acknowledge its super human magical hollywoodian powers .
I'm an atheist in the shrine of love if you will ...

Rain said...

hey safiya,

I think what makes any marriage or a relationship successful is the sense of commitment , which will happen naturally if there's love .

Love needs time to grow , and needs care from both sides.

as for u question... how do u know it's real love..well u just know :).

Alina said...

I agree with Rain, love is the main ingredient, noursihed carefully and spiced up with other little traits that make it all so perfect! Commitment, trust, passion, these all highlight the feeling of love. And at a certain point, you know it's that one relationship that you hope to make forever!

Maxxed`ouT said...

The crowd here is all pro-love
thats 3 to 1
i need back-up !

LouLou said...

Safiya,

To me love is when you've seen your partner at their worst & they've seen you at your worst & you still want to be together. It's when you feel totally accepted, chosen, connected, when you stop pretending, trying to impress.

That's the basis. Of course that can't mean you take each other for granted. You still have to work to maintain the passion & the excitement, the laughter. But the thing is with the right person that won't feel like work.

To me all of that together is love. If you have the connection but you neglect it, boredom will creep in & with boredom distance & the connection will be broken. I see so many couples like that. With only force of habit keeping them together. It's so sad. Especially when you know they were in love once.

And if you have the excitement & passion but not the connection then excitement can't last very long. That has the making of a wild fling but not something lasting.

So it's got to be both.

Just my two cents.:)

DCS said...

If a solid friendship and unconditional love are your foundation, I think your relationship stands a good chance of surviving for the long haul. I also think Rain and Alina offer a lot of wisdom.

You don't want to sound "too Whitney Houston"? You can't go wrong with this duet by Luther Vandross and Gregory Hines. It's a gem.

Safiya said...

Can love ever be unconditional though? I think there are always conditions.

MoonLightShadow said...

I don't think there is that unconditional love.. There are always conditions and requirments.

LouLou said...

Safiya,

What is unconditional love? If someone loves you for being a good-listener then their love is conditional on your continuing to be a good listener. Which should not be a problem for you if being a good listener is part of who you are anyway.

Unconditional love is like a mother's love. She loves you because she gave birth to you. It doesn't matter what you are or who you are, she still loves you for existing.

That's not what we look for in our partners. We want our partners to have conditions because only then will they recognize & value our good qualities. And we also want our partners to need us, to need things from us. Feeling needed is a big part of feeling loved.

Would you want a partner who doesn't want or need anything from you, who makes no demands whatsoever & to whom none of your good qualities make any difference?

Sarah said...

Maxxed out:
I got your back here ;)

Sand-E Sez said...

The older I get the more and more I’ve come to believe that love is this thing we chase because it is the ultimate high. It feeds our ego. It is our self validation. And maybe the key to any relationship is the inability of both sides to loose faith in “being in love”. The key maybe is the continuous attempt to sustain that high. Realistically speaking, I think it boils down to both parties being invested, not having a back door/ quick escape. I suppose it also has to do with tolerance levels and how comfortable you make people around u feel. Any two can be in a functional relationship but without the emotion there is no zing or zest and then you’re left with 2 people going through the motions.

The most dangerous type

A while back, I had gone on this little hike (if we can call it that, we were mostly in our cars!) to wady degla with a friend. We were going among a big group of well over 100 people to have some sort of barbecue there. most of them were people my friend R knows, she used to go to these things all the time with them, for me, most of them I had never met before. when we got there, we all kind of started to mingle, and this guy, more or less sat with us all the time, it was the first time i meet him, yet he kept on asking me all type of questions about myself, for me.. it seemed like a not very successful attempt of flirting with me or hitting on me or something. Anyways, I was not interested in the least, but was really surprised with his attitude.
talking to my friend a little later, she went like: yeah him, he is married! newly wed actually. only 5 months ago!

of course he was not wearing a ring, and did not bring his wife. But it made me really surprised, why are you hitting on girls when you are married?
she told me that this is his regular attitude with girls. he likes to flirt and show inerest, wether he means it or not. She told me she had thought he had a major crush on her because of the way he always treated her, and was shocked to hear one day that it was his katb ketab (wedding ceremony).

"Thank God I did not like him, if his methods had worked, I probably would have been really hurt."

He suddenly reminded me of a heart breaking missle launcher, just without ammo. He aimed, and shot his missles, but thank God, his missles were blank, because he had no charm really.

I was thinking, what he is doing is wrong, but thank God, he is not that dangerous.

there are two other types though:


one type has a missle launcher that is laoded and has considerable power, but they are obvious... they are noisy launchers.. and you get chance to take cover. these are guys who are obvious heartbreaker playboy types. the ones that put you on gaurd... you know this guy can be dangerous. yet those are still easier to handle than the final type.

the last type, the most dangerous type, are the ones who have the silencer on. you never see it coming.

they appear genuinely like the nicest people you can meet. People with ehtics, decent, that would not break your heart. yet, they can be the worst... they are just wolves in sheep skin. you meet them, trust them, and let down your gaurd. Then boom, the missle can strike home, and you are shocked really. The thing is... they say... if it talks like a duck, walks like a duck... it probably is a duck.... yet here it walks like a duck... talks like a duck.... yet hunts like a hawk. very difficult to spot those except if you know some of their history. that is why... when I meet nice guys now... I still keep my gaurd up... sorry... you are not innocent till proven guilty. yet you are not guilty either till proven innocent. you are undecided.
posted by doshar

Comments:

Safiya said...

I feel sorry for the wife of that man.

I have one particular type of guy I don't like: the sort who plays games. To use an advertising slogan : Tricks are for kids!.

Maxxed`ouT said... i wonder where the honest true ones fit in ur lil' calssification there

doshar said...

yeah safiya, i felt sorry for her too.

maxxed out, the honest true ones do not fit in this classification at all, because this is not a classification of guys in general, just the heart break missle launchers, those are the ones i was classifying.

i know there are some nice guys out there, i am not that pessimistic, it is just sometimes hard to pick them out.

A Girl's Best Friend?

A girl's best friend is not a diamond. It's a guy. And I don't mean the guy who buys her the diamond - although he's not so bad for sure. I mean guys very often make better friends than girls.

This is by no means the first time I find myself thinking this. Or hearing it from another girlfriend. Or reading it in some chicklit book. Girls say this all the time. That guys value friendship more than girls. That a guy will not easily sell his friends out for a girl while a girl would quite often give up her friends or sell them out for the man in her life. That girls get jealous of each other, gossip about each other etc....

Yesterday a group of girls I know came over to see me. We're talking about 12 girls or so here. Lots of different nationalities - about the same age as me give or take a couple of years. And what do we all have in common? We were neighbors for about 10 years. That was when we were little of course. After that we kept in touch. Maybe not as often as we might have but still, you could say we're all pretty old friends.

During the course of said visit - I notice that everyone present was being exceptionally catty to one girl - let's call her Amal. In that cloyingly sweet manner that girls have. Pointed, poisonous barbs delivered with smiles & sentences ending with 'honey' & 'sweetie'. But she was being bullied beyond all my attempts to keep the situation under control, change the subject, steer the conversation away from her etc...I really felt I should put a stop to it because the girl was after all in my house but something was clearly very wrong. You could almost touch the bitterness in the air.

Amal eventually left. And I let the rest of them have a piece of my mind. I was so angry. They kept telling me to cool down, that I have to listen to their side of the story etc.....In time though I did. And I said ok I'm listening.

The story mainly belongs to another girl in the group - let's call this one Mona. So Mona is in love with this guy Khalid that she had been dating for 5 years but they couldn't get married because his family disapproved of her for not being conservative enough etc.....Amal was Mona's best friend at the time. Mona set Amal up with Khalid's brother. Amal is apparently conservative enough for the family & so she & the brother are married now.

So what's the problem? Mona has recently come to find out that Amal never took her side in family discussions, that she always told stories aimed at turning her husband's parents against Mona. Infact Amal & her husband are now the biggest opposition within the family to Mona's marriage to Khalid.

Then there were other stories - stories about how jealous Amal always was of Mona, how she caused her problems at work, how she always talked about her & most of all, how she did all that behind Mona's back while seeing Mona practically everyday & pretending to be her best friend in the world.

It's not the details of the story that interest me. It's this undercurrent of jealousy & ill-will. The assumption they all seemed to have that because Mona comes from a somewhat richer family than Amal's the two of them must be rivals. Or that Amal would try to make herself look even more conservative to her in-laws by pretending to disapprove of her friend. And then the way Mona doesn't confront Amal with what she found out, that instead she would keep up the pretence of friendship while turning everyone else in the group against Amal so that they all still hang out together while secretly hating each other.

In the course of the conversation, other ideas came to the surface, everyone seemed to be blaming Mona for even letting Amal know that she has a bf, let alone allowing her to meet his family & marry his bro. They were all saying that a girl should never trust her gf's around her man. And lots of stories about cases where they were all bitten by gf's stealing their bf's or trying to hit on their husbands or fiances etc.....& how they all learnt their lesson now etc...

I was just staring, wondering if they all realized that effectively they were saying they don't trust each other around men. And if this a normal confession between so-called 'friends'. And if I should really have the lot of them in my house around my husband!

Gradually as they began to leave, I started to hear negative things about each girl as soon as she left from the ones who were left behind. In the end they all looked so petty & small to me that I didn't know any longer who is the villain of the piece & who to feel sorry for.

I found their visit very disturbing. They all heard about my wedding pretty late & have been trying to organize this visit for a while to offer me belated congrats & give me a wedding present. I was touched & flattered when they came in but by the time they left I was wishing I could tell them to take their present away & never come back because I never want to see any of them again. I told them I can't help wondering what you will all say about me when my back is turned.I meant it but they chose to take it as a joke. Or pretended to anyway.

The thing is, this is not the first group of girlfriends I've seen disintegrate over the same sort of thing. This is at least the 3rd time I've seen it happen. And I've never been in or witnessed the same sort of situation with guys.

Of course male friends have other problems. If he is not someone you grew up with or a family friend or something then in the beginning he will almost always try to get you to sleep with him. They just have to try their luck there. When that fails there's a really nasty type of guy who will try to use you to show off to his friends that he know girls & make everyone think he is sleeping with you. But most guys I've met were of the type who won't do that, will get over the fact that you are not going to be his next one night stand & make a pretty decent friend.

All in all I find that with guys you need to be careful at first just until you've trained them to recognize your boundaries but you can pretty much relax later. The friendship settles into a pattern & they don't do anything too unpredictable.

With girls it's like it's the other way around, the closer they get to you, the more they know about you, the more you need to be careful because they can always surprise you. Sometimes in pleasant ways. And sometimes not.

posted by LouLou

Selecting A Spouse

A friend of my husband let's call him T is looking for a spouse and he's been doing that since a very long time , with no luck , whenever he tries to arrange it officially , something happens and things go wrong and the story ends.

Once there was this girl let's call her M who was with him at college but she was younger , and he liked her and wanted to marry her , so he told my husband's sister (she's a colleague to M) to ask her about her opinion ,M didn’t show interest in marriage and said she doesn’t think about it now.

So he let go of this whole story and started the journey of searching for another spouse.

One day he saw M at a marriage ceremony and he thought that could be a good sign and maybe they're meant to be , so he asked my husband's sister to ask her again.

A month later she reached M, she couldn’t reach her before that because they're all busy in college projects and midterm exams , and for surprise M agreed.
So she told my husband to tell T about it but he said he's involved in another story !!!

The "new" story has a problem , he wanted to marry a girl let's call her S, who had an operation and it had side effects that she can't had kids , but there's a probability of 50% , and it's not in a natural way and it needs operation too, of course he didn’t know about that until he proposed.

Now he doesn't want to continue in S story because of her problem , but at the same time he feels guilty to leave her after he knew , and if he didn’t leave her , then he'll lose the opportunity of marrying M after she agreed.

To tell you the truth , I'm really pissed of !!! my heart aches for S , so now no one will want to marry her because of this problem?? What if T was the one having a problem if he married someone? How will he guarantee he'll have kids?? I know its his right to have kids but the whole thing just upsets me from a humane point of view.
So what happens next?? If someone wants to get married he should make her go through tests to make sure she'll be able to have children in the future ?
This is really making me angry , men want to make a full interrogation and investigations about the woman they want to marry and they have to be perfect in everything!! Otherwise they aren't good enough for the honor they'll have of marrying them!!
Marriage is all about taking your spouse for better and for worse..

T liked S , that's why he wanted to marry her , it wasn't an arranged marriage so that he'd act this way of examining the girl ! apparently that wasn't a good reason for him to continue in the marriage procedures.
posted by Rain

If you are going to get rapped, you might as well enjoy it

Okay I heard this quote and to tell you the truth I was shocked at first.. Was like WTF??? I was informed that this was the translation of a Russian quote.. I was of course repulsed at first.. How this can be?? But once the first repulsiveness is gone you will find that it completely make sense.

This is not strictly about being sexually attached it is about any situation you find yourself forced into. You are in it and there is nothing you can do about it. You will survive through it and that is that. So when you find yourself there the smart way to think is to find a silver lining in the entire thing. Something that will benefit you from it and hence I believe the quote “What does not kill you makes you stronger” came, same attitude.

The quote is repulsive cause it takes rape which is against the most simple right a human being have which is the right to say “NO” when someone think that people sometimes are deprived from that it shocks the hell out of them and leave the person in the incident feeling venerable, weak, and disgusted from the fact that they were deprived from their basic right.

However, what if we adapted this attitude in our lives I think it will make a difference, don’t you think??

posted by Sarah

Comments:

Alina said...

Put like this: take the worst situation and make something good of it, it might make sense.

Yet this particulary choice, rape, does not allow you to get to this conclusion. Simply because there is no way of enjoying it and it's something that messes your life permanently (it takes tens of years for victims to get partially over it). But indeed, one should try to make the best of it, something like thanking God you were not killed afterwards.

Sarah said...

Alina:
Yeah you are right but I guess they chose this choice cause of how horrific it sounds which is the worse of all.

by the way It is nice to be here again..

Alina said...

Yup, nice to see you to! Made you admin again, in case you have not noticed :)The command is yours! :D

Welcome Back to the Girls' Club

We have all enjoyed the Girls Outloud club and we are all thanking Sarah for creating it. Well, as you all know, Sarah has some issues with someone that keeps hacking into her blog. Well, that troubled person has deleted our collaborative blog...

So this is an attempt to replace it! Let's hope sarah gets back here soon! You all know my email address from Words of a Broken Mirror. Drop me a line and I will send you invitation to this new place.

Sarah, we are all by your side! Don't give up and keep being strong!